Advice on choosing bridesmaids

In ancient wedding ceremonies, the bridesmaids were usually decoys--often wearing exact replicas of the bride's dress. The decoys were thought to confuse evil spirits. In later traditions, it was the maids' job to confuse the bridegroom--he'd often have to go down a line of veiled women, until he found his intended.

Modern bridesmaids are not selected to confuse vengeful spirits or hapless bridegrooms; they attend the bride, helping her prepare for her special day. From the moment an engagement is announced, the bride's attendants may give opinions about everything from the invitations, to the dress she'll wear, down to where the newlyweds might honeymoon. They'll help the bride-to-be with shopping and planning. Most importantly, it's the maids' job to give advice, compassion and a shoulder to lean on during this wonderful, but stressful, time.

-Maid of Honor

Traditionally, the maid (or matron) of honor was a married woman whose job was to attend the bride in the hours before the wedding. The maid of honor is often the woman closest to the bride, be she a sibling, friend or coworker. When selecting a maid of honor, the bride-to-be may want to consider qualities like relationship longevity, loyalty and capability. After all, it's often the maid of honor's duty to plan the bridal shower, help shop for the wedding, bridesmaids' gowns and give advice on the general theme and tone of the wedding. The maid of honor is often the bride's best friend and confidant, trustworthy, dependable and able to get things done in the trying hours right before the ceremony.

- Bridesmaids

Depending on their relationship with the bride, the bridesmaids' functions are similar to that of maid of honor. These women usually help the bride shop, give advice and plan bridal shower activities. These are also the women who will help dress the bride, whether they dress her themselves, or call in a salon team. Bridesmaids are usually close friends of the bride, but they can be anyone from distant cousins, to the groom's sister.

-How to Choose?

Some factors to consider are: geography, money and time.

If your maid of honor lives on the other side of the country, she'll be limited in helping you prepare for the big day. If it's important for you to have company as you plan and manage the wedding, you might have to consider selecting a candidate who lives nearby.

Bridesmaids generally buy their own dresses, so the bride-to-be must take finances into account. Can each bride's maid afford her dress? Do they like them? Will all of you be able to compromise on cost, style, and comfort? If one bridesmaid is a cashier, and another is a corporate executive, each woman's spending ability is different. The bride must keep that in mind.

Time is another factor when choosing appropriate bride's attendants. Are they available for last-minute late-night conversations? Weekends? Out-of-the-way shopping sprees? When choosing bridesmaids, be sure to check with them about schedules and ask about how much time they are able to give.

-How Many?

Choosing the number of bridesmaids is wholly up to the bride and groom. If the wedding is a grand affair, she could ask as many as fifteen attendants to precede her down the aisle. More intimate gatherings call for a smaller number, usually between three and five. Space and time issues should be considered during planning stages.

Whoever a bride chooses, her bridesmaids should be reliable, capable and savvy--the loyal companions anchoring her ship on her special day. Whether she's calm as can be, or nervous in the extreme, a bride can count on her bride's maids to stand by her side.