Advice For Women: I'm Not Attracted To My Husband

If you are not attraction to your husband, the first thing that you have to do is to identify the reason for your feelings.

You promised to love him.You promised to honor him.This was a vow that you took - in sickness and in health, "˜til death do you part - but you never promised that you would be attracted to him for the rest of your life.Attraction is a funny thing, and it is hard to control.It's almost like trying to love cabbage, even though you are disgusted to gagging at the very thought of it.Hopefully you were attracted to your husband at some point in time, or else why would you have married him?If you actually married a man that you were never attracted to, then you are going to have an even harder time trying to change your feeling towards him.Attraction is a two-fold concept: there is physical attraction, and there is emotional attraction.Ideally in a marriage, both facets of attraction are satisfied.Unfortunately, many married people are plagued with guilt and unhappiness because they are not attracted to their spouse.

The first step in trying to fix the problem is identifying the reason that you are not attracted to your husband.Be honest with yourself.You may want to deny your true feelings because you feel that they make you sound cruel or disloyal, but admitting to yourself what you are feeling is vitally important to finding a solution.If you are no longer attracted to your husband because his appearance is not appealing to you, you have to own up to that.Maybe he has gained a substantial amount of weight, and he used to be very toned and fit.Maybe he has lost his hair, and he used to have a gorgeous, thick head of hair that you loved running your fingers through.Maybe the aging process has made him unattractive to you.Perhaps even disease or illness has caused your husband's looks to deteriorate and your attraction to him to plummet.

You may feel incredibly shallow and superficial for accepting the reality that you cannot look beyond the physical attributes that your husband has.You have to remind yourself that there isn't a fountain of youth, and that your husband is only human.You, too, are susceptible to the aging process - how would you feel if your husband was not attracted to you because your breasts began to sag or your skin began to wrinkle?It is very possible that you are actually experiencing a fear of mortality and aging, and that fear is coming out as criticism in your husband's appearance.You may be employing a defense mechanism because you are afraid that your husband is going to die or get sick.Once you can process your fear of aging and mortality, your level of attraction to your husband should be reborn.You may want to talk to a therapist, on your own, so that you can work through your issues and learn to become attracted to your husband as he grows older and changes.Deep down, you know that it is what is on the inside that counts.


If your attraction to your husband has dwindled because of problems in your marriage, then it is going to be harder to regain your attraction.For example, if your husband cheated on you, and you have decided to try to stay together and work through it, you may find that you are simply not attracted to him anymore.You may not be able to get past the visual image of your husband with another woman; that betrayal has dissolved your sexual attraction to your husband.He acted in a way that is insulting to you and to your marriage, and it is understandable that your physical and emotional closeness and attraction to your husband has taken a severe nosedive.If your husband has done something to disrespect the sanctity of your marriage, you have to have the strength to admit to yourself that you are too good for him.Don't force yourself to become attracted to someone who does not deserve you anymore.You can certainly give marriage counseling a try, but if you aren't able to get past his dishonesty, that's okay - and you will be okay.

It is also possible that the reason you are not attracted to your husband is simply that you are bored.Perhaps the two of you live a very monotonous life, and you are longing for some passion and spontaneity.If you have been "going through the motions" for a while, you may start to feel as if you and your husband are moving from a romantic relationship to a platonic one, like two roommates.If you feel that this is the case in your marriage, take action to change the humdrum life you have been living.You may find out that you were simply no longer attracted to your life, and you are still completely attracted to your husband.If you are unhappy with yourself, you are likely to project that disdain onto your spouse.Make a bold move to shake things up.Buy a sexy negligee, and surprise your husband by having nothing but that on when he gets home from work.Put on some of your favorite slow songs, and have a romantic dinner and dancing date right in your living room.Be romantic, and tell your husband how you feel.It is probable that he has been experiencing similar frustrations, and he will welcome the change and the excitement that you have decided to reintroduce to your marriage.

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