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Following a divorce, we tend to make irrational decisions. We go out on a whim and do things we’ve never done. One night stands or deciding to switch teams and join the gay community: the list can be endless.
Break ups can leave us in a state of confusion and despair. We tend to look for a temporary fix to make ourselves feel better. Our state of mind can be so dramatic that we make choices with our heart instead of our heads. It is as if our heads can compromise but our hearts cannot. After a divorce it is extremely important to make time for us. This is a time to work on building our self-esteem. If you have the opportunity to get away on a holiday or just for a few days, do it. Getting away from everything and taking time to reflect is good for the soul. Keep telling yourself that you are a good person and that the previous relationship wasn’t meant to be. If you were the one to file for divorce, it doesn’t minimize the pain, the mourning we all experience after a divorce.
It is as if we’ve lost a limb, even though the limb was full of gangrene and it had to go. Try to keep yourself surrounded with the positive, caring people in your life: they will be a great source of support. Let yourself mourn, just go with it, crying is the best way to rid the hurt and pain. It will get better; ‘time heals all wounds’. This is so true, believe me. There are support groups available if you are still having a difficult time with the support network you have. Self-help books to build self-esteem can also be a positive support source. Keeping a journal can be therapeutic; expressing thoughts on paper can assist in the healing process.
As I’ve stated in the beginning, we do tend to make irrational decisions. Here are a few things I suggest not to do following a divorce. (From my own personal experience). Try to avoid getting into a relationship too soon. It is a known fact that many of us do this, we think it will make us feel better about ourselves. The truth is that we end bringing our personal baggage into this next relationship because we haven’t healed from the previous one. Even the ‘one night stand’ could be damaging to you; it is very negative for your self-esteem, thus, creating a similar, stressful situation.
Avoid making any large monetary purchases, such as a new home, car etc. chances are it is just an impulsive move on your part. You may regret it when you get your life in order.
Lastly, try to stay away from alcohol and or narcotics. You are in a vulnerable state and it would be easy to fall prey to addiction. It is an easy way to numb your broken heart, but only a temporary fix if at all. Always remember to be aware of your feelings, have a positive support system and let time guide you to inner peace and a good level of self-esteem.
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