|
People often feel very different on the subject of telling children that they are adopted. Generally they feel very strongly one way and stick with this feeling. There are many positives and many negatives to telling a child they are adopted. I will try to cover the most obvious points and how they can affect a child’s life.
The most important reason to tell a child they are adopted is for the medical history. If they have access to their biological parents’ medical records, they stand a better chance of knowing what they are up against. They will realize what runs in the family and what they must be aware of. They will be more apt to have tests taken for a certain disease that is in their heritage. If children are unaware of their biological parents they may be content with your telling of there genes. This can cause problems when you are not there to advise them of their ancestry.
Telling a child that they are adopted can be a very emotional experience for them. It can seem like their world is crashing in around them. They may seem very distance and unsure of you as parents. This is primarily why parents do not like to tell children they are adopted. This feeling of uneasiness and distance usually passes. Given time to sort their feelings they will most often be thankful that you told them and leave life to continue as before.
Sometimes children will want to search for their biological parents and this can be very painful for the adoptive parents. Curiosity usually overpowers the thinking and this is why they search. They want to know what the parents are doing, what they look like, why they gave them up, and so on. That is usually where it ends; they find them, see them and keep in touch. They do not usually think of them as their parents because they did not raise them and the betrayal of abandoning them is there. Adoptive parents do not usually support this because of jealousy, and knowing the child will be reunited with their real parents.
Another factor in searching for biological parents is the emotional stress and cost issues. Locating people is a very expensive task in itself and then flying or driving to see them and so on. It is not a cheap thing to do and can also be very stressful. People searching for others often put in many hours hunting for clues or ideas, and this can wear extremely on them. It can be a very stressful time anyway, and then combine the nervousness and uneasiness.
Overall, telling your children that they are adopted has its good points and bad. Most parents will feel very strongly one way and stick to this feeling. Weighing your options very carefully is a good idea before you make a rash decision. It will affect the rest of your child’s life.
| 
