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Contrary to what many of us were taught as children, anger is an acceptable emotion. As babies, we cried in response to our anger. As toddlers, each of our parents can probably tell whit relish of a temper tantrum or two. Adolescents and teens have usually gotten past tantrums and entered the head tossing, eye rolling, stomping off silent or muttering stage.
There are some individuals who may never grow beyond this stage. Standup comedians (usually male) have been telling of “the look” or “the silent treatment” by spouses for years.
For the other adults, there is several anger venting methods that may be used.
1. Violence – Domestic violence has reached epidemic proportions in America. Of itself, domestic violence is the result of a serious psychological problem that requires intensive therapy and willingness on the part of the abuser to control. Anger isn’t a requirement to beat a wife, husband, lover, child, parent or even the dog but it can aggravate an already existing tendency. The employer who chewed you out or the traffic cop who wrote a ticket may be out of reach but the immediate family is all too often a stand in punching bag.
2. Suppression – Holding it in and allowing it to build is one of the most common ways of handling anger. It is allowed to eat away at us a little at a time until a point of explosion is reached and loved ones are often the ones to receive the fall out. Something as insignificant as the toilet lid being left up can turn into a major argument that has long lasting repercussions.
3. Internalizing – Again holding it in but instead of it flowing out over others, it is internalized and allowed to eat at us while causing self-destructive behaviors. A few of the side effects of this type of anger management can cause are overeating, use of alcohol or drugs, and depression. It can even show up as physical manifestations of stress such as elevated blood pressure, ulcers, headaches and muscular pains.
All of the anger management options listed above has negative or self- destructive results involved while the anger itself is seldom completely released. What many need to find are options that end in a positive manner. Below are a few suggestions that may help the reader to reach this goal.
1. Talking – Some of us are lucky enough to be able to hold a rational conversation while boiling mad. Others will allow themselves a cooling off period and then approach the subject of their anger. Talking is a great way of settling issues, resolving problems and allowing another to know what you are feeling. Unfortunately many of us are unable to verbalize our emotions or discuss anger calmly.
2. Productive destruction – Many find immense satisfaction in taking a firearm and blowing holes into a piece of paper, shooting or breaking old pieces of glassware or dishes, tearing magazines or phonebooks to shreds, or even pop the bubble wrapping that comes in shipping boxes. If the anger is a result of some type of sexual or childhood abuse, survivors will often find relief by taking a picture or if one isn’t available, drawing one of the abuser and tearing to shreds or watching it burn in a cleansing fire. Writing down the story, then releasing the anger as you watch the wind carry away the acts of evil, can use this same cleansing fire.
3. Vocalizing – Locking yourself up in the car with the windows rolled up or smothering your face in a pillow to yell as loud as you can. Imagine you are looking at the person you are angry with and put as much force behind your voice as possible.
4. Creativity – Many, including the author, find great relief in writing about their emotions. Others will work with clay, paints, sculpt or write music.
5. Physical exertion – As the author has dealt with her own recovery of childhood sexual abuse, she has often taped pictures to a punching bag. While focusing on these pictures, she has proceeded to punch and kick the bag until her knuckles were raw. If there were still energy enough to feel rage and hate, a handy baseball bat would then be used. If a punching bag isn’t available, a pillow or large bag of dog food can accomplish the same results. Others may prefer running, swimming, bicycling, canoeing or any other type of activity that turns the anger into positive energy.
6. Self-relaxation – Practice of yoga, meditation, Tai Chi, martial arts katas, deep breathing, aromatherapy, long hot baths, hypnotic imagery in which you place yourself in a peaceful scene such as a beach at sunset or beside a babbling brook are all excellent methods of ridding oneself of anger.
7. Music – For many of us, music touches the soul. Some will find singing or dancing to a heavy metal type of rock music releases the anger where as some others will turn to soft, flowing instrumental types. Others may find making their own music, be it angry or relaxing a form of release in itself. Concentrating on loud, long held note on a saxophone, banging on the keys of a piano, beating on a set of drums or strumming a guitar. The neighbors may not love you for it but your goal is to take care of yourself, not them.
8. Fruit (especially watermelons) – As many of you are now raising an eyebrow and going ‘huh?” let me explain. There is an intense satisfaction to watching a watermelon explode as it is hit by a round out of a .357 magnum or bashed with a baseball bat. If any type of firearm makes you nervous and you don’t wish your neighbors to wonder as you pound the melon to pulp with the bat, a large carving knife could also be your answer. Watermelons and pumpkins are both large sized fruit that do well under the knife. Another added benefit is that after you have expended the energy to release your anger, you have something edible to enjoy later. If knives also aren’t your choice, tomatoes, eggs, cantaloupe or even water balloons thrown with all your power against a fence post, barn or back wall of a garage can be an excellent way of dissipating anger.
These are of course only a few suggestions and you may have methods that work better for you. The important things to remember in which ever method you use is to not harm yourself or others but release the anger so it can’t stay inside and erode your mental and physical health.
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