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If you only see your children on the weekend, you probably put yourself under immense pressure to make the most of the time you spend with them. Maybe you're angry that you don't get to see more of the kids, and feel shut out of their daily lives. But there are ways to make the most of your weekend parenting time, and to experience this weekend ritual as a source of joy rather than stress.
What are your expectations of yourself?
Take a hard look at the demands you make of yourself during your parenting weekends. Are your expectations stressing you out? If you spend every minute of the weekend organizing activities and playing with your children, chances are you're neglecting many other aspects of your life. Even though you don't see your children every day, it's simply unrealistic to think that everything else in your life has to be put on the back burner for two days a fortnight.
Say that you find out at work Friday afternoon that Monday morning you're expected to give a polished presentation to an important client. If you're planning to cram the entire research and writing process into Sunday evening after the kids have gone home, you're setting yourself up for failure on two counts. The presentation will fall flat because you'll inevitably be underprepared, while your children will certainly notice that you're anxious and irritable, and will feel a sense of relief as they leave the stressful atmosphere of your place.
Cut yourself (and your kids) some slack in this type of situation. Let them know that you have to do some work, and ask that they give you an hour or two of quiet time. Perhaps you could settle them down for a nap, or with a book or puzzle, and you could all enjoy some quiet time together.
It's good for your kids to see that you are a person as well as a parent, and for them to learn that it's unrealistic to demand 100% of your time and attention whenever they want it. A few boundaries never hurt any growing child.
What about chores?
Unless you want to teach your children that chores magically get done by themselves, it's no crime to include the kids in your weekend tasks. Later on, their roommates and partners will thank you for teaching them that it's important for everyone to pitch in and help with such things as making the beds, doing the dishes and picking those dirty clothes up off the floor.
Don't be afraid to take your kids with you to buy groceries either: you're not running a five star hotel where fresh supplies of food are delivered daily. If you've had a really busy week and need to stop off at the store before you can start dinner, just take the kids along and do the shopping as a shared activity. It won't hurt them to see that you have your own daily routine, and it's not all movies and candy when they visit your place. Keep it real and let them know they're an essential part of your real life.
It's easy to overcompensate
This leads us to the cardinal sin committed by the weekend parent. Because you feel guilty that you're not with your kids all the time, you may fall into the trap of spoiling them. Buying them lots of toys and taking them out on little excursions makes you feel good, and seems to make them so happy. But beware. This kind of overcompensation can lead directly to creating little tyrants with complicated materialistic desires.
The more often you bend to these desires, the more difficult it is to say no to them as your children will start to become more and more demanding. Sure, buying them the occasional little treat won't hurt anyone, but caving in to your children's every wish is a recipe for disaster.
Eventually you'll have to say no, and you'd better prepare yourself for the scene of the century. Your children will have learned that they can instantly have anything they want when they're with you.
So show your kids your real life, not the children's festival you put on every weekend. Let them know that sometimes you've had a hard week and you're a bit too tired to run around in the park. Spend some quiet time talking to them about their hopes and fears, and you'll find that you may be a weekend parent, but you can still make a meaningful contribution to their lives, and to the kind of people they grow up to be.
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