|
If someone cheats on you, the level of distrust caused by his or her actions may prevent you from salvaging the relationship. If you find this to be the case, break up sooner than later. It is difficult and painful to do, but remaining in a relationship with someone who hurt you deeply, may be even more difficult.
Even if you decide to break up, you will need to determine on what level you can deal with the person who hurt you. Can you forgive that person, even if you can't stay with him or her? Is it possible to remain friends? Ask yourself the hard questions, and ultimately decide what is best for you.
Keep these things in mind as you go through this painful process:
Do Not Blame Yourself
Many times the cheating spouse of significant other will attempt to blame you for his or her behavior. It does not matter what you may or may not have done, there is no excuse for cheating. The choice to be dishonest is the responsibility of the person who made that choice.
Even if you weren't the best partner, or if the other person was unhappy, it is not your fault. If your partner were not being selfish, he or she would have tried to discuss or work out any problems that were straining the relationship, rather than sneaking around with someone else. Again, another person's choices are not your responsibility; a cheating partner is not your fault.
Make a Clean Break
Do not fall into the trap of having an on-again-off-again relationship with someone who cheated on you. This will set you up for more pain. Each time you break up �even temporarily- you will wonder if your partner is with someone else, which very well may be the case. If you decide to break up because someone cheated on you, walk away and don't go back.
Try to Forgive
In time, try to forgive your spouse or partner for hurting you. Don't do it for him or her, do it for yourself. Forgiving someone does not mean, "letting him off the hook." It does not mean excusing what he did or minimizing the pain he caused you. It simply means not allowing his �or her- actions to rule your thoughts or feelings or control your life. It means moving on to a better place, because you are no longer consumed with the negative emotions the cheater's actions induced.
Take Time for You
After such a break up, it is a good idea to take some time for yourself. Allow yourself a chance to heal before attempting to date again. Don't let well meaning friends or family members pressure you into getting back in the game too soon.
If you find that you are overwhelmed with emotion and don't know how to cope, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or perhaps your clergyman or a counselor. You don't have to deal with this by yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of; you are not the one who did something wrong. Confide in people who care about you and let them help.
Also, read books about healing. Pamper yourself and take good care of yourself to help avoid slipping into depression.
| 
