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While technology has made having a long-distance relationship easier than ever before, it still requires work and skill. With the following five tips, you’ll get the most from yours.
1. Set up phone dates, and take them as seriously as physical dates.
Every relationship depends on communication, and long-distance ones can’t exist without it. For most couples, this comes down to phone conversations, which can be much trickier than face-to-face ones.
To make these moments truly special, schedule a routine time to call, and focus entirely on your partner during the conversation. Eliminate all other distractions, put yourself in a quiet room, and just talk and listen. Your relationship will be better for it.
As this becomes routine, you’ll find yourself looking forward to your time together – just like in a face-to-face date. You can also work out an equitable split in the phone bills. A nice side effect is that when calls are scheduled, you usually avoid huge long-distance bills, since your time together is concentrated and fulfilling.
2. Send e-mail *and* letters.
E-mail might be the greatest thing to happen to long-distance relationships since the phone, but your relationship probably deserves more than fast food correspondence. True romantics – and if you are in a long-distance relationship, that group includes you – know the value of something with a more permanent feel.
So don’t limit your writing to just quick e-mail notes and updates. Take some time and give voice to your emotions in print, or even with pen and paper. Just like in the phone date, your focus will produce a more powerful and intense communication, one that your partner will recognize as true romance. And nothing’s better than true romance.
3. Surprise them with small, personal, and loving gifts.
The key here is not to impress your partner with your purchasing power. After all, if money were truly no object, you’d fly to their side in your private jet. Rather, the goal is to remind your partner of your true feelings toward them, and the greatness that these feelings inspire in you.
This also doesn’t need to fall in the traditional realm of flowers, jewelry or candy. Is there a song or music that comes to mind when you think of your partner? Then make a mix tape that shows how you feel. Did they ever tell you what their favorite beverage was? Send a bottle with your letter. Do they love the sound of your voice? Record it and send them a tape. And for true romantics, photographs are worth their weight in gold. The possibilities really are endless.
The point here is that with small tokens of your esteem, you’ll deliver more than happy moments in the mail for your partner. You’ll also make sure that you are in their thoughts, just as they are in yours.
4. You probably have better things to do than keep score.
Every relationship is work, but in the long distance variety, the work is easily quantified. If you find yourself constantly comparing your efforts to your partner’s, you are setting up a game that no one can win. Anything that you do in this relationship should be as much for your benefit as your partner’s. After all, if it didn’t make you happy to do these things, that doesn’t say much about your relationship. (This can especially come into play if the couple engages in physical gratification over the phone.)
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t notice an inequality in your relationship. If you didn’t do that, you wouldn’t be human. But at the same time, consider what you gain and lose by doing this, and if there is any chance that your tally might be off.
5. Don’t fall for the Honeymoon Syndrome.
Long distance relationships often fall victim to the Honeymoon Syndrome, where each person fails to know the whole person. After all, the capacity for joyous hellos and romantic goodbyes is greatly increased. When time is limited, people focus on their partner much more. This is, of course, extremely intoxicating.
Before you find yourself jumping into the deep end of what may be a shallow pool, remember that in this kind of relationship *everything* is magnified and multiplied. If you seriously want to move your relationship to the next stage, you will need to be together for an extended span of time, and see how you do once the honeymoon is over. Just because your relationship can stand the strain of distance doesn’t mean it will work for both parties in close quarters.
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