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Anyone who has more than one child knows that sibling rivalry is a thorn in every parent's side. How big of a thorn and how hard it is to remove can vary according to how you deal with the situation.
It is a part of human nature to be competitive with - and even envious of –others. A competitive attitude can be healthy and beneficial if it doesn't go to an extreme. With siblings the competition starts at birth. Many parents tend to ignore it and some unfortunately exacerbate the situation.
When your children are competing, whether it is for your attention, for their peers or in a school or sports related activity, it is very important that you do not "buy into" the contest. Praise each child equally at all times. Do not, under any circumstances confide in one child that he/she is "better" in any way than the other child. Even if you said this in confidence, you are still dealing with children and that fact will be used sometime in the future –probably when the siblings are arguing about their respective superiority.
Another mistake many parents make is comparing their children. Never, never compare them as no two people, even identical twins, are exactly alike. "Why can't you get straight A's like your sister?" or "Why aren't you in the starting line-up like your brother; he played every game" will not only intimidate and demean the child, it will also lead to resentment toward the "superior" child.
If one child is a start basketball player and the other has two left feet, steer the non-athletic child towards other activities, perhaps playing a musical instrument. Encourage both of them to pursue activities that they themselves enjoy, not activities that they must do together or compete against each other.
Children always perceive that their parents have a "favorite" child, and, while many parents do tend to favor one child over the others they do so unconsciously. Listen to what your child is telling you because their perception may be correct. If you tend to punish one while being lenient with the other, be aware of this and try to treat each child equally. Other times children use the "favorite child" ploy as a guilt mechanism to get what they want. This is especially favored among teenagers. Again, awareness is the key. If you know you are being fair or if there is a valid reason for treating one child differently, stand firm and do not let your child intimidate you. The ironic thing is, in most situations each child will use the "favorite child" argument against the other! If this is the case, you know you are doing a good job as a parent because if you are showing favoritism, it's to both children.
The unfortunate thing about sibling rivalry is, if it isn't dealt with when children are young it will only get worse and continue into adulthood. However, the good news is a healthy dose of sibling rivalry will lead to adults who strive to become better people.
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