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There's no doubt about it: moving in together is a gigantic step. But if you're moving out of your apartment to move into his, you're likely to be even more daunted. Giving up your own space doesn't have to mean giving up your identity and your power in the relationship. Here's how to ensure that moving in with him is step forward for your relationship - and not a step backward for your self-esteem.
Talk about your fears
If the move is worrying you, even in the slightest, make sure you talk to your man before you let your apartment go. Meet your boyfriend on neutral, friendly ground, say your favourite coffeeshop and settle down for a revealing talk. In this relaxed setting, air your concerns about losing your own space, and ask him how he feels about you moving into his territory.
Chances are, that he's secretly been a bit worried about the transition too, but doesn't know how to bring up the subject without making you feel unwelcome. If you both acknowledge that this is an area which has the potential to cause friction between you, you're more likely to be able to nip any tension in the bud before it develops into a full blown fight, or worse, long-term resentment that finally explodes after months or even years.
Make his place into your shared space
Make a pact with your partner that you'll both start thinking about his apartment from a new perspective. From now own, it's not his place, but your shared space. How would you set the place up if you had originally found this apartment together? If you approach this potential problem as a partnership, both of you will be a lot less threatened.
You won't feel that you're moving into occupied territory, where you have to fight for every little change to the decor. And he won't feel that you're invading his private world and trying to take over and 'correct' his taste.
Talk about how to fit your 'stuff' into the shared space. Promise each other - out loud- that you will both try your hardest to compromise rather than dictate. If he really loves that horrible, tatty leather chair, don't insist on replacing it with the antique rocker your grandmother left you. Can't you have both, at least for now?
The shared space as work in progess
You need to accept the fact that it will take some time to shake down the furniture and other possessions to create a perfect fit. Some of your stuff will look wrong in the new space, and you may want to give your hot pink silk cushions to that friend who has always envied them. Similarly, he may realize that he has some bachelor-pad fittings that could also find a new home. The key is to be gentle with each other, and not greet every decision from your mate that something has to go with a whoop of triumph.
There's no faster way of making your partner dig in those heels and not only refuse to get rid of the clunky coffeetable he made back in high school, but to buy MORE of the things they know you hate, just to annoy you. Before you know it, you're living in a life-size jumble sale, unable to move for the moose heads and plastic chairs stacked to the ceiling.
The key to making a smooth transition from your space to a shared space clearly lies in learning the skills of communication and compromise. Remember that you're moving in teogther because you want to spend more time in each other's company, and you want your relationship move to the next level of intimacy and commitment.
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