My child is a picky eater

We’ve all been there, caught up in that all-too-common mealtime saga: dealing with the picky eater. We argue, we reason, we bribe, we threaten, and still we are faced with a defiant glare or a tear-streamed face. Eating is not supposed to be like this. We try to cook good food for our children, but they just won’t eat. They don’t “like” it. What are we supposed to do?

First of all, the most important thing to do when dealing with a child who is a picky eater is not to turn the issue into a power struggle: parent vs. child. There’s no point saying, “You’ll sit there until every bit of food on that plate is finished,” because you may find your youngster staring defiantly at the plate an hour later. As well, these types of strategies breed resentment, and often lead to a child’s developing psychological issues about food.

1. The first thing a parent needs to do is to relax a bit about the issue. Your child is remarkably adept at knowing what he needs and when he is hungry. Provided with healthy choices in food, he likely won’t go too far astray.

2. Never force feed, bribe, or plead with your child to eat. Guilt doesn’t work either. Saying, “There are thousands of starving children in the world, and you should be grateful to have something to eat,” is just not going to register with a young child. Force feeding is really a form of abuse. Stop and think of someone doing that to you. Bribing only teaches a child how to be manipulative. For example, “If you eat all your supper, I’ll take you to the movie.” If you’re not careful, your child could be demanding a new car before too long! Pleading is just downright humiliating for the parent, and for the child, quite amusing as she sees how much control she has over her parents. All of these behaviours teach a child that there are always conditions attached to food, and eating becomes a very negative experience for her.

3. Eat with your child. Plopping your child down at the table with scrambled eggs and toast while you tear around the house getting ready for work is not particularly conducive to your child’s enjoying those eggs. More likely, he is going to focus on the fact that he is alone with no one to talk to. And of course, a great way to get Mom or Dad’s attention is to refuse to eat or complain about what’s on the plate. You and your child need to get into a routine where you get up fifteen minutes earlier to enjoy that first meal of the day together. A pleasant chat while you’re both eating breakfast together is a much nicer way to start the day, and having to get up a little earlier will be worth all those lost tears.

4. If your child is like most children, she needs three meals a day and two snacks in between. Children have smaller stomachs, and they just can’t eat large amounts in one sitting. So serve smaller quantities at meal time, and when your child is hungry mid-morning, offer her a healthy snack, such as fruit, cut up vegetables, or cheese. Be careful to set a limit on the amount and type of snacks you offer in between meals. Even too many healthy snacks will leave you with a child who comes to the supper table with a full stomach. Be alert to how much liquid your child consumes. Most children require three to four cups of fluid each day, and not too soon before meals. So don’t allow your child to be filling up on fruit juices or she will not have room to eat solid foods.

5. Children don’t have large stomachs, so don’t feed them adult size portions. A child faced with a big plate of food will often feel overwhelmed. Often parents will feed their children from a small plate filled with food. This still gives the child the illusion of a whole lot of food. One neat trick is to serve your child from a regular size dinner plate and just give him very small portions in the centre of it. The child registers only a small amount of food and is more likely to eat it. Of course, if he’s hungry and asks for more, that’s great. If not, trust that he’s eaten enough to fill himself at that meal.

6. Make the food as attractive as possible. Kids love colour, and a variety of colourful food on the plate is more likely to stimulate their taste buds. Sandwiches cut in shapes are always a big hit. Meatballs placed on top of the spaghetti in the form of a smiley face are appealing to kids. Use your imagination.

7. Once you have presented your child with her plate, give her the freedom to choose what and how much she is going to eat. A child knows when she is full. Forcing her to clean the plate can make her ill, lead her to develop aversions to particular foods, and possibly contribute to weight problems later on in her life. So, she didn’t eat her peas tonight. Maybe she did eat some of the salad at lunch time. It’s a matter of overall balance, not whether she gets a perfect balance in every meal.

8. Be flexible. If you’re planning to serve spaghetti, and you know your child hates it, consider cooking the elbow macaroni he loves. Same thing, different packaging. Be careful, though, not to get too extreme with this, or you could end up cooking different meals for everyone at the dinner table.

9. Your child just won’t eat vegetables? Well then, give her more fruit. Vegetables are often an acquired taste, so just put two pieces of carrot on her plate, and don’t make a scene if she doesn’t eat them. Next time you serve carrots, do the same thing. Eventually your child will start to eat a few vegetables. Keep in mind that if your child will not eat any fruits and vegetables, then you should check with your doctor. Nutritional supplements might be necessary for a period of time.

10. If your child absolutely can’t stand what is being served at a particular mealtime, then have one alternative that you regularly offer. For example, he won’t eat the meatloaf, potatoes, and carrots. Then he gets a tuna sandwich that you know he will eat. He won’t eat the vegetable-beef soup at lunchtime, then he gets a bowl of cereal. At times you may feel like your child is eating nothing but tuna sandwiches and cereal, but if you follow the above tips, these incidents will occur less and less frequently.

Feeding a picky eater does not have to be a never ending battle. Respect a child’s tastes and ability to gauge how much she needs to feel comfortably full. Don’t make mealtime an event where there has to be a winner and a loser. And remember, one bad day is not enough to declare a disaster. Look at the balance of foods your child has been eating over the past week, and you’ll likely discover that things are better than you thought.