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"You're going to be a Daddy!“ Those 6 words can perhaps be the most exciting words for a man to possibly hear. They can also be very scary, especially if the pregnancy is an unplanned one. The stress of pregnancy can make him seem withdrawn and distant, which in turn puts unneeded worry on your shoulders. What can you do to help ease the tension?
Include Him
When you start going to your prenatal visits, take him along. Sure he may whine and moan about not wanting to go, but it's important that he goes at least once. Having him take place in such things makes it "his" pregnancy as well as yours. A lot of times when you're dealing with a man who's not so excited about the pregnancy, seeing an ultrasound picture of his child can spark a little excitement. It kind of makes the whole thing "real", so to speak. I have heard from numerous women that their partner had no interest in their pregnancy because it didn’t seem to them that there was an actual life growing just beyond the surface of that stretching stomach. As soon as they took the time to go to an appointment and hear it from someone other then their girlfriend or wife, they became just as excited as she was.
Books are Man's Best Friend
There are a lot of books out there for the new fathers these days. They are better then the traditional pregnancy books because they explain everything in the man's point of view. They explain things better for him. Sequentially, they make more sense to him, rather then just handing him your copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" (though it does have a father's section!). If you do that, he's likely to sit there saying "Okay, now what's the uterus again?" if he's not familiar with such terms.
Counseling
Even if his lack of excitement is not too severe, counseling can be a good option anyhow. Counseling is a valuable service that is often needlessly put down. Counseling sessions are often available at the prenatal appointments. They discuss many things, such as the changes going on in your lives at this time. It helps both of you to know exactly what your roles in this pregnancy should be. For instance, he may feel very unimportant because you’re the one who really gets to enjoy all of the pregnancy bliss. The counselor can help him better understand exactly what his are and help him to attain pleasure from this experience. If your care provider doesn’t offer counseling, they may have some information for you on who does.
Child Birth Classes
Take him along as a coach in your childbirth classes. This helps reassure him that he does have a job in the birth of your child. These classes are also good at helping him realize what you're going through and what your baby is doing inside of you. They also get to meet other men who are most likely going through a lot of the same things as he as. Childbirth classes are usually very helpful in making your partner comprehend just how valuable he is!
Naming the Baby
Every child needs a name, let your spouse help pick one out. Perhaps you can compromise where he picks out the first and you pick out the middle, or vise versa. Even if the names he comes up with are totally outrageous, acknowledge them. Don’t be afraid to make suggestions to him, such as, “Strong is a nice name, but I like the way Caleb sounds with our last name.” My husband named our second daughter all by himself, and he's very proud of that fact. He even wrote that in her baby book. It made him feel quite notable when we filled in the birth certificate form, and our daughter will always have a part of her daddy with her even when he’s not around.
And Most Importantly...
Love him. Make sure that you're not making him feel isolated. When you're making all these plans about the baby it's easy to leave him out. Baby showers and shopping for the nursery probably aren’t really his idea of fun. Take some time out from all of the planning and spend some quality time with him. Going for a romantic evening walk, enjoying a lovely dinner for two, or just taking the time out to give him a hug. He will appreciate feeling loved and is a lot less likely to feel left out of your life. Remember that once the baby is here it's not going to be as easy to act out on those passionate moments, so take advantage of it while you still can!
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