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Romance is the key to vitality within a relationship. It’s the glue that holds the relationship together, the stuff in the middle that makes the sandwich taste good. If you know a bit of romance will be waiting in the bathroom in the form of a lipstick message on the mirror, or a long stemmed rose on the pillow next to you, or a walk at the end of the day with your arms linked with the one you love, or know that you will be wrapped in each other’s arms until your heartbeats become one...you might not dread opening your eyes and facing the world each morning.
Romance is that special feeling that keeps you coming back for more, and more of the person who is doing the romancing. And, that’s the reason your spouse is doing what he or she is doing–to get your attention and to keep it. It’s the spice that keeps your relationship alive and exciting.
Unfortunately, as couples become too familiar with each other, the romance tends to disappear. The man no longer holds the car door open for his spouse, the woman no longer writes little notes in his lunch box. He finds less and less time to spend with her and holding hands seems to be but a lovely memory. Since the baby arrived she doesn’t feel inclined to wear the silk nightgown, only lights candles to keep bugs at bay, and no longer fixes her hair the way she used to. He doesn’t buy the cologne his partner likes so well–after all, it’s expensive–and shaving every day is a bother. The looks that used to get longer and longer seem to have vanished. The little chats over dinner at their special restaurant are a thing of the past.
Does this sound like you and your partner? If it does, it’s time to turn things around, and quickly!
Below is a list of fun adventures, either partner can organize, designated to bring the romance back to the surface and stoke the fire before it goes out completely.
1. Hire a babysitter, rent a Jacuzzi room for one hour, and leave a note on the kitchen table asking your partner to meet you at 7 p.m. When your partner arrives, have a bottle of champagne, snacks, and soft music waiting. Enjoy a drink or two, let the bubbles (both kinds) relax the tension out of your bodies. Whisper sweet nothings, splash in the water, and enjoy one another. Do not bring up any negative issues. This one- or two-hour time slot is for the two of you and nothing else. No issues should be discussed. Shush your partner if he/she wants to talk about something negative...even if it’s pressing, it usually can wait until you leave you comforting cocoon and return to the real world.
2. Make it a point to stroll through your neighborhood while families are settling for the night and the stars are out. There’s something about that time of the evening that reminds partners they’re also lovers. Walk slowly. Hold hands. Really feel each other’s presence. Ask about how your partner’s day went and give him/her a chance to get all the tension out. Follow up with a back rub or a foot massage.
3. Listen to your wife when she talks. Don’t interrupt. Make eye contact, and really listen. Listening seems to be a lost art. If you’ve lost it in your marriage, it would do you a world of good to find it again. Really listening to your wife and not interrupting tells her that you care, that you are there for her, no matter what, and that’s so important in a relationship. If your wife feels you don’t care, she won’t open up. If she doesn’t open up, she won’t ever feel comfortable around you, and love and romance can’t live in an environment that isn’t totally safe and nurturing.
4. Shock your husband with something very romantic every now and again. Keep the suspense in your relationship by being unpredictable from time to time. For instance, make reservations at a restaurant. Wear pants and a blouse, and a jacket. Halfway through dinner, excuse yourself and return with your jacket buttoned up, leaving enough cleavage uncovered to get his attention, and your blouse neatly folded inside your purse. When your husband notices–hopefully, he will!--explain you felt the need to be more free. You may find that he can’t keep his eyes off of you, or that he looks at you in a different light. That’s good! After dinner, don’t go home right away. Be playful. Insist you have a surprise. Blindfold him with your blouse, then drive around town for 15 minutes and finally end up at the some place very mundane...perhaps a grocery store. He’ll be surprised, but once you have his attention, don’t lose it. Lean over his arm as you reach for the can of soup...you get the picture, and so will he. Fan the fires. (Don’t buy anything frozen, you might not find time to put everything away once you return home.) At the same time, you may want to take him to a massage parlor or to a romantic spot overlooking the water before your remove the blindfold. Cuddle with him on the beach while the waves crash and look at the moon.
5. When your husband walks in the door after a long day, greet him. Drop whatever you’re doing and save this moment for him exclusively. Put the baby down, say good-bye to your friend on the phone, walk away from the computer. Put your arms around him and breathe in his unique scent. Tell them you love the way he smells, nibble on his ear gently as you hug all the bad things out of each other. Holding each other and melting in each other’s arms quietly for enough time that both of you can physically feel the day’s tension lessen, is, to me, one of the most romantic things in the world. If you wrap your arms around your spouse and he/she wraps his/her arms about you, there’s only room for the two of you. It creates a safe place where you each can run, a place where you know the world isn’t allowed.
6. If all else fails, find a good romance novel and read it from cover to cover. Read it to each other, if that’ll help add spice to your life. Attempt to incorporate some of the ideas you find within it’s covers in your own marriage.
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