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It is inevitable when you have more than one child. Eventually, no matter how well they get along most of the time, there will be a fight. In some families, this fighting is rare - in most families, sibling fighting is one of the great energy drains for parents. How do you get your kids to get along?
Kids fight for different reasons and therefore different tactics apply.
1. Kids fight when they are bored. Have an anti-boredom plan available at the first sign of boredom fighting. One good answer is to send the combatants into neutral corners with a good book…think of it as time out with educational entertainment. In a boredom fight, you don't need to listen to long "he did this" and "she did that" explanations - just enforce an immediate book time out. You will be amazed at how fast that encourages cooperative play - and improves reading skills at the same time.
2. Kids fight to get your attention. This is similar to the boredom fight. When kids feel you haven't given them enough attention, they may fight to get more. Although ignoring works for some parents - it requires nerves of steel. Almost any kid can outlast you. So, ask yourself, have I really given them enough attention today? Can I spare a little time to instigate a cookie baking session in the kitchen or a trip to the park? If not, go ahead and use the book time out. At least your nerves will survive.
3. Kids fight when they can get away with it. In some households one child is clearly the favorite…or is perceived as the favorite by the children. In a situation like this, the favored child may instigate a fight simply because he can. Children can be corrupted by power as easily as adults. Do you always take the side of one child over another? Be certain the real problem doesn't lie with perceived favoritism on your part.
4. Kids fight when one child feels slighted by the other. Often older siblings reach a stage when playing with the younger child becomes socially unacceptable. The older sibling feels he is too old to play with the "baby" or is afraid his friends will ridicule him. Try to find activities they can do together occasionally but encourage the younger child to respect the elder's "space." Especially do not force public play - this can lead to embarrassment and greater sibling resentment.
5. Kids fight out of habit. Sometimes bullying and spitefulness become habits between siblings. Enforce a "meanness-free zone" in your home. To break the meanness habit, make a poster for each child and give points whenever you "catch" one child speaking or behaving kindly to the other. Erase points for any meanness or belittling. Have a much desire prize for each child as soon a set number of points is reached. You will be amazed at the change in sibling interaction with such incentive and once the habit of unpleasant interaction is broken, new habits can more easily be formed.
Sibling fighting probably will not lessen and cease without your involvement, but with consistency on your part - you can have a peaceful home.
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