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Single parents are doubly challenged in caring for their children and their homes because they are literally doing the work of two people. But, it is very important for your children's well being for you to take care of yourself. If you are stressed out, it will affect your children, whether you attempt to hide it or not. Stress and anxiety will present their ugly heads in many ways in your relationship with your children. So, take the time to take care of yourself. Not only will you be making yourself feel better; things will be much more pleasant for your children as well.
But, how, you ask, can you possibly find the time to do anything more? Your day seems as if it is stretched as far as it will go now? Relax, it is possible to do many little things that require a minimum amount of time, but will have lasting effects to brighten your day. First of all, there are some basics that you need to incorporate as good habits in your day. Pay special attention to diet, exercise, stress management, and getting a good night's sleep. These, in and of themselves, will increase your stamina and make stress less exhausting to your body.
One of the most important things to remember in making time for oneself is that there are only 24 hours in each day, 16 if you allow yourself some sleep. Sixteen hours just aren't enough to tend to yourself, your children, your work, your home and your friends! This is a very important principle to understand. You should not consider yourself a failure for not being able to do everything, all of the time. You have to realize that you are only human. You have limits, and you can only do what you are able to with the time and energy that you possess. Furthermore, you are not perfect. There are things that you will have to let go of from time to time. Just make sure that whatever it is that you find yourself giving up; do not neglect your own needs. If your needs go unmet, you have nothing left of yourself to share with your children. As parents, our most important job is to make certain that our children grow into well-adjusted adults. That is why it is important that we leave enough of ourselves intact to share with our children.
An important start in making time for oneself is by practicing time management. Effective time management can be an invaluable tool when a parent is attempting to juggle many different responsibilities. One way to organize yourself to more efficiently balance your day is to begin each day with forming a to do list. Then, after making a long list of things you would like to do, look at it and begin to prioritize. What needs immediate attention? What needs to be taken care of before noon? Before dinner? Before bedtime? What things can you persuade another family member or friend to help with, possibly? Once you understand what your priorities of the day are, accept that these may change as the day progresses, and it will be fine if they do, you can “go with the flow”. Learn to say “NO.” Stand in front of a mirror and practice it. Remember that you are doing this with your children’s best interests at heart.
The quality of the life you spend with your children is so much more important than what all you can manage to accomplish in a 24 hour span. Accept the fact that there will be dust bunnies lying around. Learn to live with a few dishes in the sink from time to time. So what if you buy a pizza instead of cooking that perfect meal? The kids will think they are eating grand if you include a side order of breadsticks!
In addition, here are some little things you can do for yourself that will brighten your day, lift your moods, and bring about a general feel of well being around your home. Remember, if you are happy, the pleasantness of your character is sure to rub off to those around you!
Learn relaxation, yoga, meditation, or whatever healthy coping skill allows you to relieve stress, tension, and anxiety. Take a walk, read a book, call a friend, take a nap. Allow yourself some private time each day, even if it is only a half-hour. Begin to develop an intimate circle of friends and family. Turn off the phone and allow your answering machine to pick up your calls. Do something you wouldn’t normally allow yourself to let your hair down to do --- turn up your favorite music and dance, not caring who sees you and what they think. Cuddle up in your favorite chair with a good book and a glass of tea. Take a long, relaxing hot bath at the end of your day. Treat yourself to a manicure, a pedicure, or a massage. Begin a journal to write your stressors or worries into; then, once you close the book, refuse to dwell on them anymore during the day.
Allowing yourself the opportunities each day to get away for just a few minutes is an ongoing goal to work towards. Just remember, stressed out moms and dads create stressed out kids. Remind yourself of what is important. You are not perfect, never have been, and will never be. So, accept that and understand that the world will not come to an end if you are unable to do everything at once.
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