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Perhaps few 'passages' in a child's life cause more anxiety for his or her parents than the first time behind the wheel of the family car. Visions of fender benders, traffic tickets, property damage and inflated insurance rates often dance in the heads of concerned parents, while the teen dreams of taking all 14 of her closest friends to the mall by herself. Other parents endure the spectacle of their teenage son trying to restore a 35 year old collection of rusted bolts and a possible door into his first car. Whenever a teenager begins the driving education process, you can be assured that anxieties will abound, but it doesn't have to be that way for either the student or the teacher.
Many high schools now offer driver education classes, which can take much of the pressure off parents and put it onto trained school personnel. Students are taught the laws surrounding driving, and are also given practical experience through simulators and actual vehicle time. These courses are generally thorough and well-designed, and often lead to reductions in insurance costs for the parents. If your child's high school does not provide such driver education, then you may also find a commercial driving school that will provide professional training.
Even the best outside training should be supplemented at home. Teen drivers need to receive practical advice from parents who have years of experience to share. While the parents may dread the thought of actually trusting their child with their very lives, the experience doesn't have to be fraught with danger. Here are some ways to teach your child how to drive at home, without the fingernail marks on the dashboard or the tears of frustration.
1. Remember that you are supplementing driver education classes, not overriding them. Beginning drivers need to learn a consistent routine, so even if you don't agree with the way your child is being taught to drive at school, learn to agree with it. Instead of arguing over the position of your child's hands on the steering wheel, you might want to offer your advice a little more diplomatically. "I know your teacher at school recommends the 9-3 position, and that works fine. I prefer the 10-2 position, but you do what feels comfortable." Many of the differences you may have with the school instructions are probably minor, so allow your child to discover for themselves which ideas are valuable and which are not as comfortable for them. Driver education is a graded class for teens, so they are better served by performing the maneuvers according to their instructors, at least until the class is over.
2. Eliminate ALL possible hazards before your first lessons. In years past, you could usually count on at least one parking lot being free and clear of traffic. Today, you can never be too sure that at least one other car won't use the same area you chose for a private driving lesson. Alert your child to this possibility before you even begin the lesson. Point out all the other hazards you see as well. "That building is closer than it looks. The road has been torn up at that sign. There is a large speedbump at the end of this row." No one likes surprises, especially a nervous first-time driver. They want to be assured that the chances of seriously damaging the car are minimal. Never take a first-time driver out to a parking lot filled with cars and pedestrian traffic. Your teen is not ready for that level of pressure, and you certainly don't want it either.
3. Try to keep your emotions in check when not behind the wheel. Teens can be irrational or distressingly immature at times, but they are fully aware of what a 2,000 pound car can do in a collision. The anxiety level for a student driver is already pushing the upper limits, so you should do your best to create a supportive atmosphere. Start out your lessons as low-keyed as possible. "Head for that stop sign and then back into the parking space." "Let's try doing a three-point turn at that clearing, okay?" The minute you feel your own emotions getting out of control, you should ask the driver to stop the car and put it in park. Take this time to collect your own thoughts, then explain precisely what incident sparked your reaction. Avoid assessing blame or name-calling. "When you rolled past that stop sign, an oncoming car would have hit us." "I thought you saw the parking lines better than you did. You would have struck the car on the right." Sometimes a more aggressive approach is warranted, especially if you are on an active road with real traffic and other obstacles. An occasional "Watch out for that bicyclist!" or "STOP! That car doesn't see you!" may save your life, but a student driver also needs to develop those driving instincts that you may take for granted.
4. Try to expose your student to as many driving conditions as possible. Don't limit your driving times to clear days on empty streets. Take your child on a long country drive to show him or her how monotonous driving can get after a long time. Find a traffic circle and explain how to enter and exit. Highway driving will help your child learn about entering and exiting traffic and how fast 'highway speed' really can be. Key off of your child's individual comfort level before adding more challenges, though. Never assume that a teen driver is ready for a challenge without first having a discussion or two. You may think you're doing them a favor by throwing them into the deep end of the driving pool, but you may actually be causing more anxiety. Find out what your teen has been doing in driver's ed and either give him more practice or a preview of the next lesson. Don't jump from chapter 2 to chapter 20 in a week's time.
5. Be prepared to guide your student all the way through the licensing process. Praise them liberally for passing the written exam, and assure them that the road test will be as fair as possible. Take them on a test spin around the same area where the test will be given. Answer any last minute questions or offer any final pieces of advice you can. Emphasize following the rituals of driving from the minute they get in the car with the testing officer to the time they leave the course. Be close at hand when the test is complete, and watch as much of the test as you can. If your child fails the driving test, he or she will want to know specific reasons for that failure. Compare the officer's notes with your own observations and prepare your child for the retest as soon as possible. If your child does indeed pass the driving test with flying colors, reinforce their good deed with a tangible reward. You want to establish a healthy working relationship with your teen concerning the use of the family vehicle. If you decide to purchase a separate vehicle for your child, or they buy one of their own, make sure they understand basic repairs and emergency procedures.
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