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There is much talk these days of “the family” and the importance of teaching values and morals to our children. It is not a thing they can learn at school or from a textbook, but rather they must see it in action.
Children are always watching. They aren’t going to pick up on “the golden rule” if they see mom and dad treating the neighbors in a way that is totally against the golden rule. They watch, and they take it all in.
Johnny won’t learn how to treat his sister well if he hears or sees mom treating her own sister badly during a visit. A parent can say “be kind to all other human beings” a dozen times a day, but if it is followed by the same parent going outside to yell at a neighbor over the fence, it won’t mean anything.
For families with a religious foundation, sending the children to church while parents sleep in isn’t going to accomplish a whole lot. By the same token, going with them and then turning into a shrieking parent during the week won’t teach the right lessons, either.
The old addage of “do what I say and not what I do” simply isn’t going to work. Children have a much higher intelligence than to fall for something like that. They’ll know it’s not really a vital thing if mom and dad aren’t practicing the same.
A good way to be able to discuss these things with children is to set aside a certain night for “family time.” Play games, watch a movie, bake cookies, but do it together. That is the secret. Complaining about not having family time isn’t going to work. Find some family time. It doesn’t need to be three or four hours. A much shorter time could do wonders.
Use the time to talk about values. Let the children SEE what family values are about. Allow them to choose some of the activities for your special night. One activity might be to have the children take a few minutes to tell what they like most about the siblings. It will be a great self-esteem boost to the others to hear good about themselves, but also a reminder to each as they’re voicing good in their siblings, that brother or sister really isn’t so bad after all. Parents can certainly get in on the action, too, by naming things they’re extremely proud of for each child.
Although values and morals seem to intertwine often, it is often more difficult to let children “see” morals at work. It is more of an inner thing, so what you wish to pass onto the children about morals will need to be discussed, perhaps more in depth than letting them see you practice these things. Oh, they’ll still watch, but they’ll also have a firm knowledge of what you feel is right and wrong. You can’t teach, for instance, the evils of smoking, while puffing on a cigarette.
The term “family values” to many is practiced by the loving and caring of those we call “family.” We love them, we protect them, and we breathe easy in the comfort of knowing that they would do the same for us. That is what children need to see and at that point, a value system is born.
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