|
No one said planning a wedding would be easy, but throw two sets of divorced parents into the mix and you've got a handful. If you're blessed with parents who are civil and amicable towards each other, consider yourself lucky and plan away! If you're not so lucky and the moms and dads would rather be on separate planets, take a deep breath and take into consideration some of the following:
It's only one day, and that day is OURS!
From the get-go, you've got to establish, not only for your sanity, but to set the record straight for all parents involved, that the actual wedding is one day. One day that belongs to you. Parents who are more stressed out about seeing the ex need to remember that it's all about you. As much as you need to consider everyone's feelings, this is all about you and your numero uno. That's it. Get that out in the open, especially if you know you've got some difficult players to deal with.
Try not to think about them as your set of parents and his/her set of parents. Think of them as four separate parties. Since they're not together any longer, they're not a duo. Letting them know that you're planning around them as a separate entity will make things easier from the beginning.
There's no easy way to get around who should get listed on the invite and how, especially when step parents are involved. Check out some etiquette books that detail different examples for ideas that might suit your specific scenario. Thankfully in today's age there are clever ways to get around this to avoid awkwardness and hurt feelings. No one wants to start the big countdown with bad vibes from the invitation.
Seating can make a big statement and IS a big deal. Be fair but again, be separate. You don't have to stick them together in the church because they're your parents. Give them separate rows. Be creative with seating at the reception. Just make sure everyone's taken care of and feels equally important.
Just like you'd choose someone to do a reading or help you shop for favors, give each parent a special role in the wedding. Let them know you've chosen something special for them to contribute to your big day. Little things can make a huge difference.
Be sure to ask them how they want to handle the divorced parent situation. If you're dealing with parents who will ingnite a fight upon laying on each other, chances are you'll know to keep them as far apart as possible. But make sure they know you're thinking about how this will affect them too.
Spend the extra money on the photographer's time and get pictures of every scenario. While it's great to have the entire family photo, mom might not want to display the ex on the mantelpiece. Get one with the two of you with each parent, parent and spouse, you with your mom separately, you with your dad, etc. You'll have lots of pictures but in the end, everyone will be able to choose one they'll feel comfortable showing off to friends, keeping in their wallet, etc.
Most likely it's no secret your parents are divorced, so be clear to anyone involved in the wedding of the situation. Photographers know how to deal with this, DJs will know how to announce family members, and the wedding party will know to be on alert should anyone step out of line or cause any problem.
Chances are your parents will behave and make this as easy as they possibly can. But it's hard for them too. Remember their side of the situation, fill them in on your plans and with some luck you'll pull it off!
| 
