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Losing someone close to you changes your entire world. The pain you feel will often times be different, depending on the type of loss you have suffered.
The death of a parent:
This is one of the hardest deaths because it creates a sense of being ‘abandoned’. Our parents seem omniscient to us, and their death can leave you feeling vulnerable to death yourself.
The death of a spouse or partner:
Depending on the amount of time spent with the partner, feelings can vary, however, over all, the feeling is one of insecurity, of no longer ‘belonging‘. Where you were once a couple, or partnership, you are now alone.
The death of a child:
We, as parents, are here to protect and guide our children. Therefore, when one of our children dies, it can be an overwhelming sense of failure, or blame on yourself because you were unable to protect or ‘save’ your child.
The death of a companions:
Our life is spent in a warm, comforting, circle of brothers and sisters, friends and co-workers, as well as family pets. The loss of a close companion can be very painful, creating a desire or need to reminisce so as not to forget about someone who was very important in your life.
These are all very different emotions and reactions, however they are all normal, healthy emotions.
There are 7 stages of grief, and it no set time period or order in which to pass through these stages. You may find that you go from one to seven and then back to two. Or, you may experience them in reverse order, or exactly in order. Any way you experience these stages is normal, for you. Do not rush yourself, or expect too much. You will work through these stages, on your own time, in your own way.
DISBELIEF
Immediately after a death it can be hard to accept that the death has occurred. You may try to deny it, or feel numb with shock. You may expect to continue seeing your loved one, even though you know they are dead.
ANGER
Some people feel angry at their loved ones for leaving, or angry at God for taking their loved one away. They may even feel anger at themselves or at life in general for the unfairness of having lost the one they love. Others may feel a need to blame another ‘actual’ person.
PHYSICAL PROBLEMS
Grief can take a physical toll on your health, causing weight loss or weight gain. You may feel increased anxiety over day to day events, or a sense of being unable to cope with routine tasks. You may have a weakened ability to fight disease or illness. Another common physical manifestation of grief is tiredness. You should talk with your health care provider about any physical problems you may experience.
FEAR
Death tends to bring into focus the fear of your own dying, as well as the fear and uncertainty of life without your loved one. Fear is natural and healthy, however, it it consumes your every waking moment you should seek professional counseling.
GUILT
Although it is perfectly normal to regret those things that were said or not said. Things that you may or may not have done, or those that you only failed to do, you should never allow yourself to remain guilty. It is better to remember those things that you did, together, with your deceased loved one, that brought both of you closer together.
PROLONGED DEPRESSION
In a perfect world no one would ever be sad. Unfortunately, in a perfect world no one would ever die, either. We do not live in a perfect world. Deep sadness is a natural part of bereavement. However, in some people, grief can trigger a long lasting and devastating depression. It’s important to remember that, although a prolonged depression regarding the death of a loved one is expected, the will to die, or the loss of all outside interests and enthusiasm is a sign of a serious medical depression. Other warning signs include lack of energy, thoughts of suicide, withdrawal from family and friends and excessive sleep. If you are experiencing these symptoms, or know someone who is, please seek medical help.
ACCEPTANCE
As you come to terms with your loss, you may develop new outlooks on life, or even new thoughts about major life decisions. This is healthy and natural, and will enhance your acceptance as you learn to experience the joys of life once again.
How can a person deal with a major loss (to death) of a loved one?
Grief is deep and overwhelming, at first, but it’s important to remember your own needs. You can accomplish this by remembering the following guideposts:
Maintain a healthy diet
You may not feel like eating, but you need to eat snacks throughout the day and eat many, healthy foods. Allowing yourself to become ill or weak will not bring your loved one back.
Avoid abusing alcohol or medications
Trying to numb yourself to your own emotions is a very tempting option. However, this will not eliminate your grief, it will only add more problems to your already fragile emotional condition. Would your love one want to see you on drugs or alcohol?
Stay active
Physical activity can clear your mind and give you the strength, energy and time to deal with your emotions.
Get help when you need it.
You may feel alone, but you don’t have to be. There are counselors, support groups, hospice services and local mental health associations, as well as your own personal religious advisors, to help you cope with your grief. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a step towards your own health and healing
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