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Most families are two income. This fact is both pleasing and disturbing, depending on your opinion and your outlook.
Our modern lifestyle has made it a virtual necessity for both parents to work. You work more to afford better clothes, more food, and a nicer home, which is all, eventually, for your children. However, this work is what takes you away from your child. It is a vicious catch-22.
The good news is that children are given positive role models when both parents work. Itâs a firm work ethic and a good example of dedication and motivation. After all, anyone who has seen a person get up at 6 AM and stumble around gathering their work items, as well as their childâs backpack or shoes, has to have respect for their dedication to not crawl right back into their nice, warm bed.
Teaching a child that hard work pays off is an invaluable lesson in humility and personal character. However, if it pays, it also costs. There are many different prices to pay when both parents work.
1. Your children are with other people more than they are with you.
Familiarity is what leads to habits. If your child is not around you, your choices for their behavior and habits are few. Their personalities are being formed by others. Sometimes, if you are among the very fortunate few, this will be a family member. Most times it will be a complete stranger, either in your home or in a day care environment. Either way, the implications are very scary. Your child will learn to be who they are from someone other than you. What can you do to help? Pick the best possible caregiver you can afford. Check all references and occasionally take a day off just to be with your child. Use your weekends carefully. This is your time with your child, donât waste it.
2. Your children become insecure or shy.
This will happen when a child is afraid they are not âworthyâ of your attention. Children, especially young children, do not understand that you are working for them. The only thing they understand is that you are gone all day, and you leave them with someone else. You leave them. That is what they know and understand. Donât let yourself feel guilty, however, unless you are away from your children and donât have to be, you are doing what you can to make their life better. What can you do to help: Reassure your child that you love them, explain why you work, take your child to work with you one day, give your child as much love and attention as you can.
3. You lose touch with your spouse.
After days, months or years of being separated all day, and rushing past each other all night (doing dishes, paying bills, grocery shopping, bathing the kids, doing laundry, etc) you can forget who you are, and who you fell in love with. Sex becomes scheduled and everyday irritations are suddenly major arguments. What can you do to help: Give each other permission to occasionally be out of sorts. Stop, touch, reconnect and remember what it was that made you want to commit your life to this person.
4. You lose touch with yourself.
This may not seem like a big deal, but anyone who has ever thought âWhy am I here, and what was I thinking?â you need some down time. You are important. Breath, relax, take time to just be lazy. Seems impossible? Itâs not. Maybe you let the dishes sit for an hour in the sink, or, even crazier, use paper plates a few times a week so you donât have to do dishes. Maybe you can relax, or read a bedtime story to your child. Think of ways to save time and spend your time doing things you and your family enjoy.
After all, when your child is twenty do you think he will remember that you did the dishes every night, faithfully and like clockwork, or that you never read him a bedtime story?
Life is full of choices. Choose well.
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