Elizabeth Post, in her book "The Emily Post Book of Etiquette For Young People", published in 1967 by Funk & Wagnalls, speaks to teens by writing this opening paragraph for the first chapter: "Suddenly, you're almost and adult! It happened so fast that you- and your parents- can't understand it, but all at once you are faced with a whole new set of problems. More then anything else, you want to emerge from constant supervision, to become independent, and to choose a social life of your own. And yet, because you are constantly confronted with new situations, you need the guidance and support of your parents. You are, in a sense, betwixt and between, and while the condition brings the fun of entering an adult world, it brings the trials as well. Etiquette, by giving you guidelines on how to act in almost every situation involving contact with other people, provides a bridge. Not only a bridge between you and your parents, but a bridge between your old childhood world and the world (that) you are entering."
Lessons in etiquette, even small ones, are best begun at a young age. Maura Graber offers this example, "I have learned over the years (especially with my own kids) to be a better etiquette teacher because I have learned that kids, as well as adults, respond well if they have choices and options. I can remember my son inviting someone to come home with us when he was in second or third grade. This boy was in our back seat and he started 'fake burping' over and over again. He was teaching my son how to do it. I turned around and asked him if he knew what my business was, and he replied 'You are a manners teacher.' I said 'Yes, that's right. Now, you have two choices, since I don't really consider that polite at all, either you can get out of the car and walk home right now, or we can go get a couple of corn dogs and cold drinks before Katie (my daughter) gets out of school. It is going to be your choice.' I never had another problem with that young man. He and my son are now in high school and they are still good friends. I had let him know the 'desired' behavior, or manners, and he chose to be polite and be accepted. Well... he also was choosing the soft drink and corn dog, but still, it was his choice."
On the method of offering teens and children a choice on proper etiquette, Maura explains, "I have learned over the years (especially with my own kids) to be a better etiquette teacher because I have learned that kids, as well as adults, respond well if they have choices and options...'manners' will vary from place to place, 'etiquette' is simply defining what those manners are, and that manners are our way of showing respect for one another, then teens should be shown respect and taught how to show it back. Teens prefer to have things spelled out so that they will fit in. There is a term that teens have been using for the last 15 to 20 years. If you ask teens what 'dis' means, or what it means to be 'dissed' by someone, the replies you get will vary, however they will all be ways of showing disrespect. The interesting fact is that the term 'dis' comes from inner city, gang slang of the 1980s. It is short for "disrespect". Teens are always a bit surprised when I tell them this. Most had never considered that manners would be a top priority in a bottom rung of our society. When I point out that manners are expected at every level of society, teens listen up... When it comes to teens, give them specific choices and the information they need to make their decision."
Maura sums up the importance of teaching etiquette to young people in this way: "No one, of any age, wants to feel 'undesirable' or 'dissed'. Offer options and explain expectations (i.e. explain the manners required for different social situations). Keeping a teen in the dark regarding proper manners is not doing that teen any favors."
