Robin Thompson, owner of Etiquette Network and the Robin Thompson Charm School, says, "The best thing to do is to address the outer envelope to Mr.& Mrs. John Smith. A savvy person will notice that it does not say 'and children.' If there is an inner invitation, such as in a wedding invitation, and this is addressed to Bob and Joyce (the couple's names), they should get the idea that it means just those two people, and it does not mean their children as well."
Sometimes, though, people do not take the hint. In that case, Thompson says, "word of mouth can be a real lifesaver. Just spread the word to the family that this reception is costing $100.00 a person, and you aren't going to have children under the age of ten. I don't like to put 'adults only' or 'no children' on the invitation--it sounds like they are banned. If you are having a dinner party and sending out invitations, you can phone the guests and explain that it's going to be adults only, a fun night out for the adults. If someone does bring their children despite your efforts to explain the situation, be prepared with food that children can eat and perhaps a coloring book or some other form of entertainment --just make the best of it."
What about events where young children are invited? Peggy Post says that for children's events, such as birthday parties, invitations may be extended over the telephone or in person, but that you should "send written invitations when you can." She says that "invitations should contain all the information that parents of guests need-full name of the young host or hostess, nature of the party (if it's a birthday, say so), location, day and date, and time. Be clear about ending as well as starting times so parents know exactly when to pick up their children."
Post says that the invitations should also contain the full name and phone number of the adult host if an RSVP is requested, directions or a map if the guests don't all know where to go, and information about anything out of the usual, such as requests that guests wear costumes.
It's very important to be considerate when extending invitations to children's parties. Post says, "Don't hand out invitations at school or during extracurricular activities unless all the children in the class are invited." Children who are not invited will feel hurt and embarrassed, she says. The best thing to do if you are using written invitations is to put them in the mail.
The same consideration is necessary even in more casual situations where children verbally invite others to a party or a more casual gathering. Post says that children should be taught not to issue invitations to others "in the presence of people who are not being invited."
