At a dinner table how do I know which silverware to use?

When it comes to formal parties, the most common asked question on proper etiquette is: "At the dinner table, how do I know which silverware to use?" Maura Graber, who has been teaching manners to children and adults for 15 years and is the director of The R.S.V.P. Institute of Etiquette, offers this simple tip: "You are supposed to use the silverware from the outside-in. Use the silverware furthest from the plate on either side, and then use the utensils closer to the plate, as each course requires." However, you cannot always count on the table settings being laid out right. As Maura says "If you know what the usage is and where the placement is supposed to be, you can navigate your way regardless of what the circumstances are."

The array of silverware laid out at a dinner table can be intimidating but learning the proper uses for each utensil doesn't have to be. The key characteristics of the most common types of silverware that you will find at a formal dinner are as follows:

Dinner Fork: is usually the largest one at a place setting.

Salad Fork: has an extra-thick prong on the far left (for cutting the lettuce)

Fish Fork: the smallest fork that is set to the left side of the plate

Oyster Fork: the smallest fork and also the only one that is supposed to be placed on the right side after the knives, next to the soup spoon. It is very thin with three prongs.

Dinner Knife: is again, usually the largest one at a place setting

Salad Knife: shorter then the dinner knife, with a rounded blade

Fish or Steak Knife: sharper than the dinner knife and it usually has a jagged edge and the appearance of a small sword

Soup Spoon: the largest spoon, supposed to be placed on the right side with the knives

Teaspoon: this should only be used to stir coffee or tea in a formal setting

Desert Spoon and Knife: are usually brought out with the course but if not, they are usually placed horizontally above your dinner plate.

Even if you're not skilled in the proper etiquette of which piece of silverware to use during which course do not despair. As Lillian Eichler so eloquently puts it in her book "Today's Etiquette, published in 1941 by Double Day & Doran (back when properness was not only appreciated but also insisted upon), "If a blunder is made-why, let it pass! It is no very great crime to make a trifling mistake in table conduct, and if one's manner is free from self-consciousness and embarrassment it is quite probable that no one will notice it." This does not mean that you are free from learning it though because as she goes on to say, "By this we do not mean that the new etiquette recommends carelessness at the table. It recommends, rather... a carelessness of manner that suggests a familiarity with these niceties. The one way to achieve this poise or assurance is to practice the niceties and courtesies of dining in private as in public, so that the correct thing becomes instinctive rather then studied." So in other words, dinner parties are meant to be fun. Do not let one little mishap such as using the meat fork to eat the salad ruin your whole night. Do not concentrate so hard on which piece of utensil to use that you do not take part in the conversation and become viewed as a withdrawn or worse yet, a bored, dinner guest. The best way to avoid this is to practice beforehand.