How To Be More Assertive When Making Decisions

How to become a more assrtive person

You're easygoing.You like to compromise.Your friends call you "the mediator".You know that most of the time getting you're own way isn't worth the argument that occurs beforehand.These are good qualities, but if you're starting to feel more like a doormat than a person it's time to get some help.But just how does someone go from wishy-washy to will of their own?I can't tell you.There is no set recipe for this kind of transformation, but the action plan below should set you on the right path.

To start, make a list of the reasons you want to change.Make sure they really are yours.Things like "so my mom will stop ridiculing me" or "because my boyfriend wants me to" aren't good enough.Changing for someone else is likely to make you less assertive, not more.After you have a satisfactory list (aim for at least 5 to 10 items), call a friend and tell them your plans.It helps to have a someone who will be supportive of your new attitude and/or keep you from backsliding.

Realize that assertiveness, like any new skill, takes time to perfect and requires practice.Stand in front of a mirror and rehearse whatever it is you want to say.Pay attention to your posture.Speak slowly and clearly.Don't stammer or fidget.Practice until you're comfortable. Better yet, role play with your support person.Don't worry if it feels awkward at first.All human beings, especially women, are trained to accommodate others at the expense of their own needs.


When you're ready to move from role play to reality, be sure to plan ahead.Don't just decide to assert yourself randomly. Get a good night sleep the night before and consider dressing the part.A put together look will increase your confidence.

Don't start bite off more than you can chew.Instead of trying to change your entire life at once, pick one particular, non-vital pattern to challenge.For example, does your significant other assume you'll be happy to spend your next date at a poetry reading even though the very idea makes you fall asleep or that you won't mind watching basketball for eight hours in a row even though chess is more your sport.Stand up for yourself and suggest an activity you'll both enjoy.

Don't back down.Someone who doesn't appreciate you new empowered self is probably not worth your time.A word of warning, however: just because you've decided not to be walked on anymore doesn't mean you can now walk on others No one likes a tyrant.

While these steps should set most people on the road away from doormat status, they won't work for everyone.For many, their lack of assertiveness is related topoor self-esteem or other deep seeded psychological issues.If you realize that this is true in your case, find a therapist or enroll in a support group, be it actual or virtual.You'll be glad you did.

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