Assisted living for a loved one

If you have a family member who seems to need help with managing daily functions, here are some things to consider when assessing the need for assisted living.

1. How does the person feel about assisted living? He or she may resist the urging of family members to consider moving into a facility where around-the-clock assistance is available for personal needs like toileting and dressing. But in some cases, a senior citizen may recognize and admit the loss of his or her ability to manage independently and willingly consider alternative living arrangements. Talk over the current options to see how he or she feels about making a move. If the person is reluctant to give up the home, point out that the upkeep and cost of staying put can be prohibitive.

2. What have you observed? Even though it is sometimes hard to remain objective about a loved one, think carefully about her behavior over the past few months or years. Does she seem excessively forgetful? Does he become confused easily? Do former routine tasks remain undone? Make a list of the differences you've noticed so that you can discuss them with a professional, such as a doctor, counselor, social worker, or therapist.

3. Are outsiders reporting changes? Hairdressers, mail carriers, bank tellers, checkout clerks, and other associates where your loved one carries out regular business functions may have observed behavioral changes. If you know who these staff members are, ask whether they've seen differences in your loved one's behavior. Be discreet, of course, but they often have telling observations. Jot down notes from your conversations, along with dates and people's names, to help record accurate quotes and impressions.

4. Ask the doctor. He may refer your family member to a gerontologist for screening and may be able to prescribe medicine that can offset or delay dementia-type symptoms. If the problem is more physical than mental, there may be government programs in your area that can provide housekeeping, cooking or dining, and transportation support if needed, which will prevent the person from moving to an assisted living facility. On the other hand, a doctor can provide and evaluate testing to assess the need for daily support. If it is needed, doctors can make arrangements to help you find the most suitable facility.

5. Visit assisted living centers. Many are attractive, pleasant, and socially inviting places where residents can make new friends and receive the help they need. There are outings, celebrations, and guest speakers or events to enliven the facility's social culture. Find out what your loved one's financial resources will cover and schedule visits to check out some of the suitable homes in your area. Depending on the situation, you may be able to bring your loved one home for visits, go out to eat, or even take trips, as the lifestyle may be similar to what he or she currently enjoys.

Assisted living can ease the burden of caring for aging loved ones with physical or mental impairments. Work with medical professionals to obtain an accurate assessment of your family member's health and potential need for assistance. Then help her or him find the best available facility for a smooth transition.