Attachment Parenting is on the rise, and so is their discipline style - which involves NO hitting. Some hints and benefits of this practice.
Attachment parenting discipline is based on love and guidance, not punishment. One of the most prominent beliefs is in not spanking. Hitting children goes against the message that the parents are trying to get across, and contradicts the lesson being learned at the moment.
When a child is hit, s/he is angry and resentful. This is not a good way to teach a lesson; especially the one "no hitting." Children will copy the behavior that they see, and if they are hit, then they will hit others. If a parent hits a child then tells him/her not to hit others, all the child sees is a double-standard. S/he is not mature enough (does not have high enough thinking power) to understand the lesson if it is not clearly taught and followed through with.
This discipline is teaching children through loving example. This means that the parent has to obey the general house rules. If, say, no one is allowed to wear their shoes in the house, then the parent must also follow that rule. If s/he screws up (the parent) then s/he must apologize and admit that s/he was wrong. Children will follow this example, too, and will be less likely to lie.
This type of discipline does not mean an easy solution to every problem that arises. Children will still be children; all are selfish little creatures until they are taught otherwise. Gently teaching them this lesson, as soon as they are CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING is what will help. No child under around nine months can possibly understand any discipline lessons, and after that, it should be gentle.
Taking a child's hands in the parents', telling them no, and giving them a reason why they may not touch or do what they were doing is a very good way of handling problems. Children will not think of their parents as "wimps" as some believe. If this is all they have known, it is what they will accept as normal. Seeing this type of behavior (some feel that it is "giving in" to the child) as "wimpy" is a stereotype taught by the parents.
This does NOT, in any way, involve giving in. It involves keeping one's temper and handling the situation appropriately. Children will be children, and the point of this is to teach. In that, children must learn, gently, that they cannot have everything they want. They must learn WHY they may not throw sand or hit other people. Chances are, if no one at their house hits anyone else, the idea will not even occur to them until they reach preschool. Children must be explained to gently why they cannot do it, and even take time-outs to cool off. Hitting is the only thing which is really against this.
This style of discipline also breeds for good self-esteem. It involves not only teaching the child what s/he may and may not do, it teaches him/her what s/he is worthy of. In teaching what kind of respect that others deserve, s/he learns that s/he is worthy of the same respect in return. Also, seeing parents as human helps to know that when s/he screws up, nothing bad will happen. Mistakes are something that we all make. This type of discipline is worth a try for any parent who believes they can handle not hitting their children.
