When attending a dinner party should the host receive gifts? If I was hosting a party I don't expect to get any gifts from anybody. If you are hosting a birthday party for someone else, of course guests can probably bring gifts for that person.
Whether or not you bring a gift is entirely up to you, and it also depends on what type of dinner party it is. In decades past it was always appropriate to bring a gift, but over the years, etiquette rules have changed. Now it is really dictated by the type of party, and what you as the guest want to do.
Brian Hay, a chef and culinary instructor at Austin Community College and a sommelier who also teaches for the International Sommelier Guild, says, "If I was hosting a party I don't expect to get any gifts from anybody. If you are hosting a birthday party for someone else, of course guests will probably bring gifts for that person. As the host, I don't expect anything at all. If they wanted to bring something to help out with the party, that's another element - but that's not a gift to me."
For some parties you will be expected to bring a gift, however, and this information should be written in your invitation. Birthday parties, white elephant parties, some fundraiser dinners, and other swap or gathering types of parties will require you to bring something although this won't necessarily be a gift for the host.
If you aren't sure if you should bring something or not, you may call your host or hostess ahead of time and simply ask them if there is something they would like you to bring. Hay says, "If you wanted to bring a bottle of wine or something like that, that's fine. I normally tend to do that, but other than that you don't need to bring anything."
What about after the party? Should a gift be sent then? No, thank you gifts are not necessary after a dinner party, with one exception. If the host or hostess was throwing the party on your behalf, a small token of appreciation for their hard work is acceptable and appreciated. It does not have to be an elaborate gift, but something to let them know their work did not go unnoticed.
Regardless of who the dinner party was for, it is appropriate for any and all guests to send the host or hostess a thank you card. This is something we tend to overlook these days and is a habit many people do not have.
Hay says, "I don't think you formally need to give a gift to the host. I might send a thank you note after the party is over as proper etiquette procedure. You can just write something saying 'We were at your party last week and we had a great time. Thank you for having us. I hope we can do it again.' I don't think a gift is necessary."
If you do bring your host a gift (this means anything other than what you were asked to bring), it is appropriate to give the gift to your host in private and not in front of everyone else who may then feel they should have brought a gift also.
