Can a cluttered spouse be taught to be organized? Teaching a spouse to clean is a lifestyle change that isn't easy but is made easier by organizing with labels and other organizational tools. Opposites do...
Opposites do attract. Most of the time, these little "different quirks" in partner's personalities serve to balance the other one out. But, they can also be a source of tension in a marriage. This is especially true when it comes down to their varying degrees of "neatness". So, can a cluttered spouse be taught how to be organized? Lorie Marrero, who is the owner of "LivingOrder", a professional organization company that creates organizing solutions for homes and businesses, faces this question quite frequently in her work. She says, "It's all about change, and you can't make somebody change. There are a lot of parallels between organizing your home and losing weight. You can't make somebody get rid of their clutter or maintain things if they don't want to do it. It's kind of like forcing somebody to go on a diet. If they don't want to lose weight, they aren't going to."
So is it pointless to even try? Isn't there anything that can be done? Lorie offers hope when she suggests, "Yyou really have to get them to buy into the process. And that frequently happens once they see the results of having a routine and a lot of order around them." But if your spouse refuses to help in the area of home organization, how do you get to the point of having it organized in the first place, so they can see that it is truly a better way to live? Well, as Lorie says, "One advantage of hiring an organizer is that it's a financial investment. A lot of times the spouse will buy in because they spent the money." No one wants to get less then they paid for, right?
Some tips that she gives her client include, "Labeling...because it makes it very clear that there is a system here and if you're not putting it back where it says to put it back, then you are just purposely doing it wrong. This builds accountability into your organizing system. And sometimes it helps if you designate an area for your spouse and say, 'Hey here is your area and you just keep it however you want.' Sometimes people just want to have a sense that it's their house, and they want to have their own space and keep it how they want. If spouses can have spaces like that without being nagged about how those spaces look, that really helps (in the organization of) the rest of the house. Then you (can) both agree to make sure that the shared spaces are maintained."
Maintaining an organized house may be about a set of rules but a big part of maintaining a marriage is compromise. So, give a cluttered spouse an area or even a room where they feel that they can "just be who they are" and if it bothers you that much, avoid going into that space. Remember, that it is meant to be their sanctuary in the first place. Also, include them in the whole process of home organization by offering choices on how and when to do certain things. When a person offers ideas and is an equal partner in devising a plan, they will be more likely to carry out their part. As Lorie comments, "Small gestures... can go along way."
