Well, it starts before someone gets to the teenage level and it's certainly important for parents to give children choices. And even at a very young age give them a few choices every day so that they can learn to build their confidence and their ability to choose. And you may want to guide them with that. But give them some choices and then allow them to experience the consequences of those choices as long as it doesn't hurt the child or it doesn't hurt someone else. For example maybe just choosing a restaurant or choosing what the child is going to wear as long as it is within an appropriate realm. The parent can limit the choices so that they make a good choice whichever way they go. It is just that a child has experience of making choices and also not allowing criticism of others in the way that's destructive. Oftentimes people use humor and really put people down. That gets exaggerated during those teen years and even in junior high. It becomes a way of interacting and that's very destructive, particularly in those teenage years. Hormones are raging and actually the tendency is to dislike yourself more than any other time in your entire life. So it's very important to encourage your child to be an encourager of others rather than destructive to others. The parents have to be the first one to do that though. If they use that kind of humor the kids will tend to mimic that even more. If the parents allow an off colored joke in the home, kids will quickly put people down even in using humor. And as for building your teen's self-esteem, it is important to help them look appropriate for certain occasions. I am not talking about having that certain outfit even though in some circles that may be what makes a teen feel confident. You do want them to look appropriate so they are not cast out of particular situations because they don't have the proper attire or they are not well groomed.
