Money is the number one reason for divorce in America these days. Couples fight over budgets, spending, saving, and sharing. Effective communication can help to identify and deal with problems before they destroy a relationship.
But how should you discuss finances with your spouse? Here are suggestions that can help you approach this delicate topic in a sensitive way:
1. Develop a plan and stick with it. From your pre-marriage or early marriage days, a couple should discuss their plan for managing finances in a responsible manner. Perhaps one person will write the checks each month, or each person may decide to contribute half the household income. Whatever your agreement, make sure that both of you understand the terms and are okay with it. If someone feels shortchanged, the plan will not last for long.
2. Keep good records. A check register, bank statements, paid bill receipts, and printed budget are some of the materials that should be kept on file for at least seven years. While some people dispose of such things after a few years, the traditional legal recommendation is seven years. Both of you should know where these records are kept and how to access them in the event one of you is in an accident or killed. At least once a year the two of you should sit down for a discussion about your family's financial status. Goals should be checked and reset if necessary to include a short-term emergency savings plan and a long-term savings account for special purchases or retirement.
3. Remain calm during a crisis. Money troubles can take many forms. One or both spouses may lose their jobs or take a pay cut. A family member may become critically ill or disabled. The furnace may give out or the roof fall in. The couple needs to have a general agreement on how such problems will be handled. And when they occur, both spouses should remain calm and avoid blaming each other. Instead, both need to offer productive solutions or ideas for handling the situation.
4. The couple should work in tandem. This means no surprise purchases, no opening or closing accounts without the other's knowledge, and no rearranging the budget without a partner's agreement. Once trust vanishes, it will be hard to regain, and the marriage may begin to disintegrate. Be open and honest with each other in all aspect of financial management, including Internet accounts, personal allowances, and bad spending habits.
5. Get financial counseling if needed. If problems persist and worsen, the wise couple will seek professional assistance before giving up on the marriage. A financial adviser or a marriage counselor may be able to provide an objective listening ear as well as helpful suggestions to aid the couple in overcoming serious money issues. It may take several visits or even a couple of different counselors before results are attained. One spouse should get help even if the other will not, and perhaps the marriage can be saved after all.
The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil, the Bible says. So it is with marital finances. Don't let money come between you and your spouse. Work together, follow a reasonable budget, and get help if needed.
