Choosing a child therapist can be a stressful experience. Here are tips on what to consider befor you choose.
Therapy is defined as the treatment of disorders or disease. There are different kinds of therapy aimed at different disorders or diseases. The major distinction is between disorders of the mind (mental therapy) and disorders of the body( e.g physio-therapy). Mental therapists have more of a stigma attached to them than those who work with the body. Having a disease or disorder of the body is more socially acceptable than a disease of the mind. Unfortunately, this social un-acceptance of mental therapy makes if difficult for us to seek out the help we need. This is especially so for children.
Children cringe at the mere mention of any of the associated words- counsellor, psychologist, therapist, shrink, etc. It is extremely embarrassing for a young person to acknowledge that he is attending sessions with a mental therapist of any kind. Even school psychologists or counselors are off-limits if one wants to stay "cool" and be accepted by peers. Part of this has come about because of the misinformation and misconception that have become attached to the whole idea of something being wrong with one's mind. But looking after one's mind is as important as looking after one's body. And in fact, there are things that go wrong with the mind that do not necessarily mean that the person will be a menace to society, or not be able to stay in control of his life and live fully. This is also true of children. Just as a body can be afflicted at any age, and through no fault of your own, so too can the mind. It is important however to be careful when diagnosing and prescribing for conditions of the mind.
Firstly, when a child seems to be exhibiting symptoms that indicate a mental disorder, then appropriate and accurate tests must be conducted to ensure diagnosis of the cause and the condition. There is so much confusion and overlap with the symptoms of disorders (behavioural, mental and even physical) that one can easily be misled. So before ending up on the therapist's "couch' the child should have been thoroughly examined by physicians (general ,speech, etc.), a neurologist, and should have been observed carefully over a long period of time. Once physical disorders are ruled out satisfactorily, and you are convinced that the child needs emotional or psychological support it is of prime importance that the therapist be chosen carefully.
Because of the amount of confusion surrounding mental health issues, the therapist together with parents must take the time to explain clearly to the child what is going on-what is the cause of the problem and the anticipated treatment. Treatment will go much better if the mystery is removed for the child. Of equal importance is that the child feels comfortable with the therapist. This specifically means that the child trusts the therapist. He trusts the therapist to listen attentively to him, to validate his feelings and to keep his confidence. No matter the situation and the prescribed treatment, if the child does not feel this safety with the therapist, the therapy will go nowhere. Keen observation of how relaxed the child is in the therapist's presence and how willing the child is to talk (and to talk the truth) will help to draw conclusions about the match between the therapist and the child.
What a child needs in a therapist is similar to what the child needs from any adult including the parent. He wants gentleness not harsh words, a loving and caring attitude not a threatening one, encouragement and praise not rebuffs and invalidation, firmness not permissiveness, persistence and consistency not randomness. The therapist must be willing to stick with the treatment, even when it gets hard, and not give up on the child. A therapist who himself is not affected by his own childhood experiences (particularly negative ones) will have clearer attention to listen to the child and think rationally about what the child needs. An adult, for example,who suffered significant neglect or lack of attention as a child will risk feelings of resentment (subconscious though they may be) that any child deserves such attention and commitment. Having to mask these feelings and deal with them will inevitably hamper the therapist's functioning. Being able to get down and play with the child is a good sign that the therapist can connect well with young people. Playing in itself is always valuable therapy for any age.
Don't be afraid to ask questions. Information about your child's condition is important to you and to the child. The therapist should be confident and comfortable to share that information with you. He should also be willing to learn. Information is moving too fast these days. It is not always easy to keep up. The therapist should welcome information that you may have to share concerning your child's condition.
Children do not have problems by themselves. The treatment should not be up to the child alone. Therefore the therapist should not hesitate to involve you the parents and other family members as part of the treatment process. For adults going to therapy is a traumatic and difficult experience. More so for young people. They need the support of the adults involved to make this as smooth and pleasant a ride as possible.
