Are you in a codependent relationship? Look at these scenarios to see if codependency might be an issue for you and what that needs to be overcome.
Codependency is almost a commonplace term in our society these days. You will often hear it accompany discussions of alcoholics and their attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. The codependent is the partner of the alcoholic since she or he is the person who tries to save the alcoholics from themselves.
And that is precisely what codependency is all about. It is about trying to care for another person when they need to be caring for themselves. That doesn't mean that when someone is in need you should ignore them. That is not what codependency is all about. It is more about trying to make changes for someone when they need to make the changes themselves.
What you can ask yourself if you think you might be codependent is how invested emotionally do you feel in someone else's troubles or life situations. Do you feel like you can be the one to show them a different way, beyond the basics of informing them? Do you think that if you just try harder and say something differently than that person will suddenly come to realize what they need to do differently with their life?
If that is difficult to understand consider this example. A woman is married to an alcoholic husband. For years she has tried to be the one to control his drinking but telling him when and where he can drink as if he is unable to make the decision himself. But suddenly one day they must be apart and he goes off drinking without her permission. She has lost her control over his drinking habits when this happens. This is a good thing though it may not appear so, since the alcoholic really needs to be the one deciding for himself when he is going to drink. Another person should not be in control of another's life decisions in that way. The wife may have thought she was helping by slowing his drinking down but in reality it was enabling him from making his own decisions and suffering the consequences himself.
This is a very difficult transition to make once you realize you are codependent. And it does not have to be in an alcoholic situation either. A codependent can be overly invested in another person's life no matter what is being done. Going out of your way to help a friend go shopping to make her feel better when she really needs to get control of her compulsive spending habit, for example. It is about caring in such a way that it takes away anothers personal power and decisions over life.
True caring for someone does not overstep these boundaries and lets people make their own decisions even when those decisions are not good ones. As long as another person's life is not in danger and no laws are being broken, the lessen should be allowed to take place which encourages growth in the person needing to make healthy life changes.
So think twice when you feel like helping someone out who seems to be in a crisis and be sure you aren't helping continue the dramas that are playing out in their life when they need to be getting well themselves.
