How To Deal With An Interfering Mother-In-Law

If you have a new mother-in-law that is constantly interfering in your life, here is some advice on how to deal with her.

We have heard the saying that when you marry a person, you also marry their family. For some new wives and husbands, this may be a dream come true as their new in-laws go above and beyond the call of duty to include them in the family and make them feel welcome. For the less fortunate, there is no trace of a welcome wagon to be seen when they enter the family. While some new couples cherish the thought of the "silent" in-laws, there are other couples who have to deal with the in-laws that never go away, or, more specifically, the interfering mother-in-law. How does one deal with this type of situation?

First and foremost, we must heed those wise words we so often hear concerning new marriages. Once a couple is married, they must leave their own fathers and mothers and cleave to each other, becoming, in essence, one being. If you realize that your mother-in-law has become too involved in your new marriage, the first thing you must check is whether or not your spouse has, indeed, left his/her parents behind and begun cleaving to you. If your spouse is still calling his mother every single day or spending more time at his mother's house than at your own, your problem is not your mother-in-law but your spouse. It takes time for new couples to leave their old family life behind and begin this new family of two, but it should happen. An interfering mother-in-law may simply be doing so because she feels she is welcome to do just that by the actions of her son or daughter. If they are still coming to her for advice and direction, she may just be following their lead. This problem needs to be fixed with your new husband or wife.

If you have a mother-in-law that bombards you with advice or calls or visits, the first person that needs to approach her is your new husband or wife, especially if he is feeling stressed out or overwhelmed with her interfering ways. He needs to gently let her know that, while he understands she means well, she is causing undue strain in his life. Most mother-in-laws that interfere have no ill intentions and, instead, feel they are doing the new couple a favor. If this behavior is nipped in the bud right away by her son or daughter, it will eliminate unnecessary stress for years to come. It will be a lot easier to hear this news from her own son or daughter than to hear it from her new son- or daughter-in-law.

Most interfering mother-in-laws do so because they want to help in some aspect of a couple's life together, such as a wedding or a new baby. They may try their best to get in on the planning of the wedding or anniversary. If she is trying to get involved in this type of area, give her something to do to make her feel as if she is important and needed. This may be exactly what she is seeking. If you are planning a wedding, instead of inviting her somewhere where she may offer advice you may not want, such as the choosing of the dress or flowers, have her come over and help you put together the wedding favors or ask for her input on songs to be played by the DJ. She may be offering advice on how to raise your new child or perhaps criticize the way you do things around the house. If this is the case, listen to what she says and either take it to heart or simply disregard it. Some people say that advice is simply a way a person handles nostalgia, so listen to what she has to say. In all of her interfering, she may have some precious nuggets to offer you.

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