This article discusses how employees and management can cope with the death of a co-worker or a member of a co-worker's family.
Anyone who works for the same company for any length of time is bound to experience the death of a colleague's family member. Work for the same company a little longer, and one will probably lose a colleague. Dealing with these deaths is not easy, but with some sensitivity on the part of management, it can be handled with tact and sympathy.
When a co-worker's family member dies, most companies have some sort of fund whereby a florist will send flowers or a plant to the family, with "From the employees of" on the card. This is a kind gesture, but is rather impersonal. Those who work directly with the employee may wish to send a group sympathy card. All each person in the department needs to do is to sign it, but it can be very comforting to someone to see a more personal expression.
If the loved one lived in the same town, the employee's co-workers may wish to attend the visitation at the funeral home or house of worship. They need to remember to always sign the guest book. This is a very stressful time, and the person may not remember who came to the visitation without referring to the book.
Often, people have problems expressing themselves when someone dies. Saying, "I'm so sorry. You will be in my thoughts and prayers" is always appropriate. If you are not religious, you can leave out the "prayers" part. Even if the loved one died in a violent way, this sentiment is appropriate and kind.
Sometimes, the most awkward part is when the employee comes back to work. Co-workers are often nervous or apprehensive around the person, afraid of saying the wrong thing, or bringing up a painful memory. Very often, just saying, "It's good to have you back. Let me know if I can do anything" is the most apropos thing to say. Try to resist the temptation to hover over the person with concern. Routine may be what he or she needs most in order to move on in the grieving process.
Be prepared for tears and emotion. Be tolerant if the employee suddenly goes to the restroom more often. It may be that he or she is feeling emotionally overwhelmed and needs to cry or just have a moment of solitude. Respect it. Try not to pry, but do let the person know you are available if he or she wants to talk. Sometimes, just reminiscing about a loved one is what someone needs to do. Also be willing to shoulder some of the employee's workload for the next week or so. Death is a legal process as well, and the person may need to visit the funeral home in the morning or afternoon, to pay a bill or discuss some other aspect of the death. The employee may need to visit an attorney or accountant as well, for various reasons, and management should be sympathetic to these needs.
Of course, the dynamic changes completely when a co-worker dies. There is bound to be shock and grief in the department where the employee works, and sympathetic administration will allow employees to express their feelings.
Sometimes, a co-worker's death follows a lengthy illness, and employees may wonder what they can do for their colleague, and for the family, during this time. This writer has experienced the deaths of three co-workers, one from cancer that was diagnosed when she worked with the company. It was at Stage IV when diagnosed, so the prognosis was grim from the beginning. Since the radiation and chemotherapy treatments were so tiring for her, her colleagues volunteered to provide meals for her and her husband. We also volunteered to do any housework and run errands, if necessary. This may or may not be a workable plan, depending on the department's size and the kind of company, and the family circumstances. A department should consult with the family to find out how to best meet the needs.
When a colleague does die, naturally, most of the employees will want to go to the visitation, if there is one, and many will wish to attend the funeral. Management should respect these wishes, and most of the time, should be able to accommodate them.
When our colleague passed away, the family had a private burial, and there was no funeral home visitation. We wanted to remember our friend in some way, so our department head asked the local Hospice chaplain to have a small service there at the office. She emphasized that this was not exclusively a religious service, but was a way to remember and honor our friend's memory. She asked us to write a short remembrance of our friend and put these in sealed envelopes and she would deliver them to the family. She said a short prayer and we lit a candle. Attendance and prayer were completely voluntary, but even the non-religious employees in the department were a part of the service.
If the co-worker is interred in another city or state, the company should send flowers or a plant and the co-worker's should be encouraged to write notes of sympathy that can then be enclosed in a card or envelope.
Those in the office who were particularly close to the colleague should be allowed some time for grief. The office will probably be very quiet for a day or two, but this should also be respected.
The company and departmental management almost always sets the tone for these circumstances. Their sympathy, respect and understanding will engender a better atmosphere in the office, and will allow their employees to honor a co-worker's or family member's memory with dignity and honor.
