It is common for toddlers to bite. Why do they do it, and what can parents do to stop this behavior?
Biting is as normal to toddler-hood as self-inflicted haircuts are to preschoolers. Parents who don't experience this milestone with their child can consider themselves lucky. This doesn't, however, do much to ease the fear of a parent whose child is biting others.
By looking into the life of the toddler, the causes and methods of discipline for dealing with a biter become clear.
Toddlers are Curious:
Observe the typical toddler and you will quickly discover the way in which they explore their world. They touch, smell, observe, manipulate, and taste. They've learned that their actions cause others to react. Some toddlers bite to see what reaction they receive. How does the child they bite react? How do the adults feel about it?
Toddlers are Emotional:
We've all heard of the Terrible Twos. Children at this age experience a great deal of emotions - happiness, sadness, fear, and anger are very common, and yet hard to explain or control. Two-year-olds throw themselves on the floor, kicking and screaming for no apparent reason. They sob uncontrollably when their favorite bedtime blanket or stuffed animal has gone missing. If someone takes a toy from them, or they want what someone else has, they get angry.
Toddlers Have a Limited Vocabulary:
Conversing with a toddler is a difficult task. They have acquired many new words; yet in many cases don't quite know how to put their thoughts together in a way that adults, or even they, understand. There are still many things in the world that don't have names, including expressions of desires, needs, and emotions.
Toddlers Crave Attention:
They may not be as demanding of our time as they were as infants, but toddlers still require a great deal of time, attention, and affirmation from parents. Often times if a child feels as though he isn't receiving the attention desired, and observes that he is given attention when in trouble, he will settle for that. As soon as this child discovers biting, and the quick attention it brings, the behavior is likely to continue.
So, what is a parent or other caregiver to do when a child bites? First reactions are crucial. Don't over-react. Chances are the injured child will be fine, and live to play another day. Go to the children, turning your focus to the bitee rather than the biter. Comfort the crying child first. Show the child who bit what their action caused, and explain that it hurt. Most importantly, remain calm. By doing so you are explaining to the biter what their action caused - pain. You are also showing them that hurting others will not provide them special attention.
If a child becomes a frequent or habitual biter, a bit of careful investigation is in order. The child should be observed, identifying the triggers for biting, and hopefully interceding before the bite occurs. What takes place before the bite? Is the child angry? Bored? Tired? Overwhelmed?
Consider what it is like to be a toddler; full of emotions, curiosity, desire for attention - and lacking a way to effectively communicate that. Give the child words for their emotions: "You wanted the doll Julie was playing with, didn't you? When she wouldn't give it to you, you wanted to bite her. I feel like that when I'm mad. Were you mad, Sarah?"
Provide them alternative behaviors: "When I get mad like that, it sometimes makes me feel better to just tell someone I'm mad." Or "When you get mad like that, and feel like you have to bite, try biting something you can't hurt." And then give them something else to bite, like a scarf or small towel.
If they are bored, redirect them to another activity: "Sarah, you look like you aren't having any fun. Would you like it if I helped you find something else to do?" This not only gives them words for their feelings, it also helps them learn to find solutions to their predicaments on their own.
If the child is seeking attention, afford them the attention when they are behaving in ways we desire, so they will strive for that attention rather than negative attention. When you see them playing nicely with others, praise the behavior: "Wow, Sarah! You and Jacob are doing a very good job taking turns pushing the truck."
Remember, while they have an extensive vocabulary, some words lack meaning. "Be good" has very little meaning. Tell them what you want, and what you don't in simple, specific language.
Toddlers that bite aren't bad children. Rarely are they overly aggressive or mean. They are simply acting out an emotion, or reacting to a situation in the only way they know how. With careful attention, a bit of creativity, consistency, and patience, this stage can be overcome.
