Millions of families end in divorce each year. The stress is enormus on each individual involved, but the child or children involved may suffer the most.
Divorce is a very stressful situation for any family, but if there are children involved, the damages can be tenfold. Grief, guilt, sadness, anger and isolation are all feelings a child may experience when his parents are about to separate.
During the transitional period, routines change and interactions among the family change. The family must adjust to a new way of life. These changes can be tough for a child to handle. Time is of the essence here.
Children sometimes get the brunt of the whole divorce, having feelings of sadness, guilt and anger. They feel helpless that they cannot solve their parents' problems or even may feel that he or she is the source of the problems. It is a fact that if a child's feelings are ignored and not dealt with properly, the child will grow up having a hard time developing intimate relationships and will have severe self-image problems. Children are more likely to go through a divorce themselves later in life it their parents were divorced.
Some children will have grand delusions that they can somehow get their parents back together, while others may just go into a depression and develop many problems with school, eating, sleeping and the like.
Older children will be more likely to feel they need to become the replacement for the other parent. They may take responsibility for the younger siblings if there are any.
No matter what the age, children need to be reassured that they are not to blame for their parents' problems. If possible, explain to the kids what the real problem is or was to help them understand the situation more clearly. Have them understand that they cannot change the situation. Patience and understanding are key. It is good to have other family members close by to help deal with the crisis. Children need to know they can trust adults and that things happen in this world that are out of their control. Encourage the child to talk about his feelings so that they don't get bottled up inside and lead to future problems. Let them know that the pain will lessen with time and that they will not be cut off from the other parent.
Down the road, remarriage may come into the picture. Remarriage most likely will include more family members, making the family a blended family. A whole new set of problems may present itself. Siblings may not get along well with other siblings. It is important to keep a strong mind during this time of transition as the children involved can get lost in the shuffle. Problems may surface when a child disapproves of the impending marriage and new family. Counseling is recommend during this trying period so that the child can become adjusted more easily.
Tactfully handling the situation is of the utmost importance. A child's whole future may be at stake. Remember to keep the lines of communication wide open and the family will have a better chance for surviving unscathed.
