When To Divorce And When To Reconcile

If you are comfortable compromising your interests in the beginning of the relationship can you maintain this throughout the marriage? If not, is your partner willing to help when you decide to actively pursue your interests? These are two very important questions to ask at any point in your relationship. Through personal discovery I have found marriage is not usually a constant 50/50 give and take. The relationship shifts focus between each partner's needs based on the timing of priorities. Basically you balance your priorities and your partner balances theirs and together you both decide who takes precedence at the moment. Sometimes the dominant personality begins to rule the relationship. Even if you are the dominant one you can still feel like your interests are being compromised because of constantly convincing your partner to follow you. Thus two people begin to feel a difference of interests. The person helping is putting his/her needs on the backburner and the person receiving help is constantly convincing the other to continue helping. This is not what we as a single person envision as a blissful marriage.

On top of all the negotiating occurring through marriage there is a reoccurring question. Is this what marriage is supposed to be? The unique culmination of the above feelings sometimes leads to divorce and at other times reconciliation. How does one decide whether or not to end their marriage? I believe it comes down to a basic instinct of survival for both people. You will not compromise your dreams for you partner to constantly feel like they are compromising theirs. Thus both of you feel smothered and decide to part, or one makes the decision hoping the other will realize the logic. As easy as this sounds, it's not. Because in spite of all the logic you still have an emotional investment in your marriage.

What do you do when you are in love and aren't able to pursue your interests? Remember you can have both love and your dreams. These are two things that everyone deserves. If your marriage cannot give you these two things and you are not willing to give up one for the other, then it is time to get a divorce. If on the other hand you and your partner are willing to continue negotiating priorities and accomplish each other's interests, or pursue common interests your marriage isn't over yet.

Ask yourself these questions before considering a divorce or reconciliation. Is your marriage fulfilling some of your interests? Overall are ther any interests that you and your partner share? Are you communicating your needs in his/her language? I mean when you feel you have had a meaningful conversation does your partner show changes in his/her actins as a result. Can you continue with this marriage if the situation doesn't change?