A hostess' guide on how to throw a perfect formal dinner party. What to bring, what to wear, and other etiquette questions on attending a dinner party.
When selecting guests for your event, you'll want to choose an interesting mix of characters, but make sure they will all get along. It wouldn't do to invite people who are known to clash with other dinner guests or cause heated debates. No one wants tension at a dinner party. Your party should be a lively, stress-free event. Invite guests who are good conversationalists, especially those who are known to bring along their sense of humor.
Each invitation should list any pertinent details and have a date to RSVP. It's important to respond by the requested date in order to give your hostess time to plan for the party, especially if she'll be bringing in outside catering and other help. If for some reason you're unable to attend after all, let your hostess know as soon as possible so she can find someone to attend in your place.
A good hostess will select the menu with her guests in mind. If you know of anyone who has a food allergy, is on a special diet or doesn't particularly care for a certain food, you'll need to keep him or her in mind as well. Try to keep the guest list small and intimate. Six to Twelve guests are perfect for this type of event.
When writing up your seating chart, remember that it's important to make your guests as comfortable as possible. You'll not want to seat two doctors together, as they would spend the whole meal discussing doctor business and no one else would be included in the conversation. Likewise, you don't want to seat together two people of opposing political views if they're prone to debate. Dinner conversation should be lively and upbeat, and the seating chart should reflect this. Don't seat the two quietest guests together and keep the most jovial guests on opposite ends of the table to balance out the good humor. Dinner guests should also do their best to keep the conversation flowing. If someone has an opposing view, it's fine to offer your own, but should an argument ensue, it's up to you as a good guest to cut it off at the pass and change the subject.
It may be considered fashionable to arrive late in Hollywood, but at a dinner party this is considered bad etiquette. The last thing you want is to hold up the meal while everyone waits on your arrival. If you must show up late, do your best to arrive no more than thirty minutes past than the time indicated on your invitation. It's very good manners to call your hostess and make her aware of your situation.
Only bring a guest if the invitation requests you do so. If you did not RSVP for a guest, it's very bad manners to show up with one in tow. The menu has already been planned and the table has been set. An uninvited guest would cause a disruption as your hostess shuffles to make a place at the table and rearrange food on dinner plates.
If you did bring an invited guest, be sure to be attentive. Nothing is worse than leaving a date alone in a room filled with people he or she does not know.
It's proper to bring a small hostess gift, one that the hostess is not obliged to use that very evening. Gifts such as flowers or dessert, while thoughtful, don't make a very good hostess gift, as she will feel she must put it out immediately. A small trinket or a bottle of wine makes an excellent hostess gift.
As host or hostess, you must make sure that someone will be at the door to greet the guests. Graciously accept any hostess gift and take all personal items such as coats and umbrellas. Have a place close by for personal items so you're not far from the door.
Once inside your home, guests should be offered a drink and some hors d'oeuvres to tide them over until it's time to eat. Encourage everyone to mingle and make any necessary introductions. See to it that no one is standing or sitting alone and that the conversation is flowing freely. As your guests are chatting and eating their hors d'oeuvres, you can go ahead and put the first course on the table.
Guests should do their best to mingle and make light conversation. Try not to form cliques, instead socialize as a group. If someone is sitting alone, do your best to draw him or her into the conversation and make him feel at ease.
When dinner is ready, follow the directions of your hostess who will have assigned seats. Once seated, place your napkin in your lap and leave it there for the duration of the meal. If you must be excused, gently place your napkin upon your chair, placing it back into your lap upon returning to the table.
Don't be intimidated by the vast array of silverware surrounding your plates. If you're unsure of the order in which to use your silverware, a good rule of thumb is to work your way in from the outside. If you're still uncertain, follow the lead of those around you. It's good to remember that dirty silverware should never touch the tablecloth.
Don't eat until everyone has been served, and even so, wait until your hostess begins.
After each course, your hostess, or someone hired for this purpose, will clear the table. A good hostess will never let her guests stare at dirty dishes while waiting for the next course to arrive.
After the meal has ended, your hostess will ask everyone to adjourn to another room for games or conversation. Any dirty dessert dishes that won't be visible to guests may be left on the table.
When it's time to leave, your hostess will walk guests to the door and say a brief goodbye. Guests shouldn't monopolize her time or engage her in a long conversation since it's not good manners for her to leave her guests for a long period of time.
Three days to one week after the event, call or send your hostess a note thanking her for the lovely evening.
Knowing what to expect, and how to act in advance can make everyone around you a little more comfortable. Just bring along your manners and you'll do fine. Remember, improper etiquette can mean the difference between an uncomfortable meal and an enjoyable affair.
