Falling in and out of love in a relationship. In a troubled marriage relationship, falling in love with your mate again requires a rekindling of the romance, putting aside of the ego, and taking responsibility rather than playing the blame game.
I just finished writing a book called 'How to Love Your Marriage,' which will be coming out in the next couple months. One of the things I talk about is the absolute ebb and flow in a relationship. Some days, months, or years, you feel like someone is your ultimate mate, and others you wonder who that person is and why you're with them. I really believe that there is a typical nature to it. If you dig into that space where it does not feel good, and then you dive into your ego to start blaming them and start getting negative, you can kill the love in that relationship. It doesn't easily get rekindled. If instead when those periods of time happen, you are able to transcend your ego, you can start actively working to improve the relationship and rekindle that romance. You have to be conscious about it, though.
One thing that I have noticed in my own marriage is that when there is an ebb in the flow of love, either more physical touch or more communication is almost always required. When something has not been said or resolved, or when we were not spending enough time together, you have to stop and look at that relationship. What is missing isn't strong feeling, often it's pulling apart physically or pulling apart emotionally. That can be rekindled by touching and talking or recreation. I mean, the root word recreation is recreate, so when you want to recreate your relationship, stop and take time away to turn it back around.
The hardest part for people, and this is big part what I talk about in my book, is that you have to take responsibility for your relationship. We all unconsciously want to blame the other person. The more we complain, the more we blame, and the more victim we become. The whole thing comes spiraling down, and when we are nasty with the other person, the relationship dies. It all stems from responsibility. Instead of trying to get them to respond more lovingly, respond more lovingly towards your partner. Take back the power in a relationship.
