Family-How To Deal With Aging Parents.

Deciding whether your elderly parent is still able to drive can become a major decision and even a source of conflict between you and your parent. It is very difficult for anyone to give up a part of their independence, so it is quite understandable that your father or mother might not see the need to surrender their car keys to you.

Of course various states have different laws concerning drivers' licenses, and you need to be up-to-date on these regulations. You also need to use common sense. If your parent becomes confused, easily upset, and nervous at minor occurrences, he or she may not have the ability to react with the split second decisions that are required for operating a motorized vehicle. Also, your elderly parent may have physical ailments that would prevent him from driving safely.

All of these are good reasons to confiscate your parent's keys, but how do you do that and allow him to retain a feeling of independence? If your mother or father can still communicate effectively, then you need to sit down with him or her and discuss your concerns. Be aware of your attitude. Don't treat him as a child, but instead speak respectfully. Point out all of the good traits and abilities that they still possess. Try not to focus too long on the negatives. Reiterate how much you love him, and how much you worry when you know he is driving. Many times parents will relinquish their keys if they know they are causing their child extra worry. You will need to be firm, however, and stand your ground. If all else fails, consult your parent's doctor for help.

Many times certain traits become more magnified as a person ages. This magnification could be the result of a reaction to various medicines, or it could simply be the result of the onset of senility. Whatever the reason, if traits such as anger or depression are magnified, then problems with your parent may increase.

Before you make any major decisions, speak with your parent's doctor and even the pharmacist about possible reactions to medicines. Often times, a change in medicine can trigger a change in behavior. If, however, it appears that your parent is simply succumbing to old age or senility, it is very important to keep the lines of communication open for as long as possible.

If your parent has exhibited extreme anger or depression, you need to have a serious talk with him or her. Often times, he might think his behavior is perfectly acceptable simply because he is old. You can point out that your parent should still be responsible enough to treat others with respect. If you have children, you might want to inform your parents that you expect them to set a good example for your children. Of course, talking can only work for so long, especially if there is a medical reason for their behavior.

The most important point is you must try to remember that your parent was once your caretaker and provider. Now that the roles have become somewhat reversed, it may be hard for him or her to give up that role of authority. Although you may need to take some type of action for your parents' own safety, they still need to be treated with respect. Let them enter into the decision making process as much as possible. Try to give them choices. Listen to them vent their frustrations and fears. Give them an abundance of support and love.

If you can maintain a good relationship with your parent and keep the lines of communication open with his or her doctors, you can help your parent enjoy the last years of his life as much as possible. Remember, one day you might be an aging parent, too.