Adopting a child to raise as your own is a loving and kind thing to do. Yet, there are special needs children that get overlooked for adoption, and others who are adopted by unsuitable parents.
If you are thinking about adopting a child who is mentally or physically challenged, take a few precautionary steps to find out if you have what it takes to parent someone with special needs:
1. Do some self-assessment. Make a list of the qualities that you think would be needed to care for a little one or a youth with unusual problems, such as limited intelligence, physical or speech impairments, or other developmental difficulties. How is your patience quota? Can you be gentle or firm, depending on the situation? Are you financially ready to take on the responsibility of another dependent? How will your family adjust? Can you provide for the social, emotional, and practical needs of a child with special problems?
2. Discuss it with your family. How does your wife or roommate feel about this goal? If you have children, how will they handle another sibling, especially one that is different from them? Will extended family be able to adapt during holidays or family gatherings? Is everyone willing to contribute to the care of another child?
3. Think about the kinds of changes that will affect your family. For example, is your vehicle large enough to hold everyone? Do you have an extra bedroom? Will your home need equipment or safety features installed? Can you transport a child to doctor appointments, therapy, or rehabilitation classes without missing work?
4. Contact local adoption agencies for information. Read the literature (usually pamphlets and books), and check your library for videos and other material. Discuss your concerns with experts who can help you come to a wise decision without pressuring you to take on this duty before you are ready.
5. Visit with several special needs children to see how well you respond. Make sure you understand that there will be two sets of issues: adoption generally and disabled children specifically. Make several weekly visits to monitor your response to disabled children at the facility. Consider becoming a foster parent first before deciding to make a permanent adoption. Having "hands-on" experience will help you make an informed decision.
6. Talk with parents who are doing it. Find out what type of resources are available. Ask how they have dealt with problems that have arisen. Request advice, suggestions, or tips. Inquire if they would do it all over again, and whether they have shortcuts to offer in terms of the adoption process.
Adopting a special needs child should be approached carefully, since it will impact the lives of many people. You don't want to place a child in and out of your home on short notice, adding to any low self-esteem issues. Think it over, get pertinent information, and give it a trial run before making a permanent commitment. Your family, neighbors, and the child will thank you for making a thoughtful decision.
