Research shows that most children function more effectively if they grow up in a two-parent home composed of both a mother and a father. Unfortunately, that cannot always be the case due to the nearly fifty percent divorce rate as well as other factors such as death and desertion.
Single moms who feel their children need a father figure in their lives can check into a variety of options to find a suitable person who may be willing to take on this role. Here are some of the possibilities, but be sure to check out the character of each possible role model first to reduce the risk of abuse:
1. Your child's male teacher. If your son or daughter has a male teacher that seems like a desirable role model, you may want to suggest that your child join organizations headed by the instructor or even offer to become a student aid. During parent-teacher conferences you can mention your interest in having the kids in contact with solid male role models who can represent the kind of masculine skills that all children can learn and benefit from. The teacher may know of some school-related or extracurricular activities your son or daughter can join that will allow them to work with adults in a guidance capacity.
2. Your child's male coach. Encourage your children to play school or community sports if they are physically able. Point out strong, positive attributes in the coach when you see them, such as patience, commitment, or discernment so your child can learn from them even at a distance. You can let the coach know that there is no father figure at home, and perhaps he will keep this in mind in dispensing guidance to the team so that your child can benefit from this training.
3. An extended family member. A grandfather, uncle, or cousin may be able and willing to spend time with your son or daughter when the father cannot. Fishing trips, shopping expeditions, or story telling sprees can be wonderful bonding opportunities for masculine influence and role modeling. In addition, the kids will learn more about their family history and legacies. They can even do small services while visiting older relatives, such as washing the car or sweeping the walk, a wholesome experience all the way around.
4. An older brother. If you have older children either living at home or away from home, they may be willing to take younger ones under their wing occasionally. Overnight stays, bowling outings, or just hanging out together can provide opportunities for passing down experience and insight. Just be sure the older sons share your values to keep the younger siblings on the same page as you.
5. A neighbor. Trusted neighbors can sometimes serve family-type roles when other family members are unavailable. Perhaps the neighbor can pay your child to do some work around the house of which you approve. In return, he may be willing to offer guidance or training in a new skill, such as lawn care, woodworking, or automotive repair that you cannot provide.
6. A club or hobby group's leader. If your children are involved in community groups with a male leader, let that person know about the absence of a father in the home, and ask for teaching opportunities where the leader can pass on information that otherwise might not be available. Carving, camping, or other creative endeavors that your child has not learned elsewhere can be shared in settings like these.
It's not easy being a single parent. Look for creative ways of providing a host of male role models when your children's father figure is absent or unavailable.
