Like it or not, it’s a fact: parents worry more about their teen girls dating than their boys. It is largely a question of safety. Girls are more vulnerable to rape and physical abuse. Girls can get pregnant. When parents have daughters who begin dating, they start reaching for the antacids and the sleeping aids. However, there are some things parents can do to make sure their daughters are less likely to find themselves in dangerous or sexually risky situations.
The bedrock of any safety discussion is communication. Parents need to help their daughter understand their concern, and need to respect her inevitable chafing at restrictions. They need to remind their daughter that as a female, she is more vulnerable to physical danger, and should be suitably cautious.
Group dating is coming back into vogue and is a good way for a teen girl to “get her feet wet” in the dating world, with reduced risk. Group dating is when a large group of teens meet at a designated place. They may split into couples, or they may not. The point is that there are several people in the group, and this reduces the chances of violence or sexual assault.
Parents should always know their daughter’s friends and associates. This will help them gauge risk factors when their daughter goes out. When she starts dating one young man exclusively, they should make a point of meeting him. This is a proven method of minimizing dating risk for a teen girl.
The daughter should always have her cell phone and should be encouraged to use it. With the decline in numbers of public pay phones, a cell phone is a safety must. The parents must stress to their daughter that she will not be in trouble if she calls them to pick her up, even if she is drunk. The daughter must feel that her parents are her safety net and that she can leave an uncomfortable situation at any time, and be assured that she will not be punished for doing so.
Parents should tell their daughter that, if she is in an uncomfortable situation, she should make an excuse to be private, if possible. She can go to the bathroom, or wherever is available, to call her parents. This will help prevent anyone she is with from taking her phone or trying to prevent her from using it. If she is in a car, she should ask to stop at a public place and go into the bathroom and call her parents. If she feels she is in immediate danger, she should call 911 and then her parents. If necessary, she can lock herself in the bathroom until the police, or her parents, arrive.
A teen girl should also be encouraged to carry her cell phone on her person, and not in her purse, if possible — perhaps an inside pocket in her jacket. If her purse is stolen, or someone is holding it and will not relinquish it, she still has her cell phone available for use. If she cannot find a private place, and must use her cell phone in front of someone who might have evil intent, the family should have prearranged, but innocuous–sounding code words. This will help the parents know their daughter needs help. They can then call the police if they need to do so, or go to where she is and pick her up.
All of these actions assume the parents know their daughters’ whereabouts. This is crucial. Parents must be proactive in this and must insist their daughter inform them of where she is, and must check in if her location changes. This may sound draconian, but it isn’t. It serves a double purpose: first, if she is in trouble, they will know where to find her. Second, if her crowd knows she is checking in every so often, with her location, they will be less likely to encourage her to do something risky.
Curfews help with safety, as well. If a teen knows she must be in at a certain hour, and knows the consequences for being late, she is less likely to get into a situation where she will be harmed. Also, if her group knows her parents are strict on curfew and will start calling out the National Guard if she is late, they will also be more amenable to getting her home safely, and on time. There are circumstances which may preclude her from being home by curfew, but she must call in no later than, say, five minutes after curfew and inform her parents what is going on. Perhaps there was a pile-up on the freeway and it’s going to take some time to get around it, or to the detour. If this is the case, the parents should instruct their daughter to call in every 10-15 minutes thereafter, to update them on the situation. This comes with the understanding that a news item about the pile-up had better appear in the paper or on television.
Parents should also talk to their daughters about avoiding risky situations when possible, and the importance of having reliable friends. This, plus their assurance that they are always available, whatever the hour, if she needs them, will help their daughter stay safer and will let the daughter know that she has parents who love her and are concerned for her safety.
