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Your little boy is growing up. Toy cars and trucks no longer have the ability to hold his interest. Now you find that the cute girl in the next row has caught his attention. Just as you have helped guide him through his first steps, first day of school, and even his first ball game, now you have to help guide him through another monumental event in his life. It is time for his first date.
Yes, you heard the D word. You knew this day would get here. You just did not expect it so soon, did you? If this is your first child to become interested in dating, do not bother looking for the instruction manual. Unless you were lucky enough to have one included with your little bundle of joy at birth, then you most likely will not find one now. You could go out and purchase one of several books on the market that have advice about teens and dating. Take a deep breath, let it out slowly and relax. A little common sense, respect, and open honest communication are really all you need.
If you taught your children to respect others from an early age, then you have already taken a huge first step towards teaching them about dating. If they treat their date with respect, then they will be more likely to have a good time, as will their date. If they treat you with respect, then they are more likely to be home on time without breaking any of the rules of the house.
Dating is a time of learning to be a bit more independent. Your son is the one that wants the date. It is not your place to hand over the money necessary for food and entertainment. It is his responsibility to either use any allowance money wisely or earn the money by taking on additional chores for you or neighbors or by getting a job. Either way, he will begin to flex his muscles to get the kinks out of his wings of independence.
With independence comes responsibility. As a member of your family’s household, your teen has a responsibility to follow the rules of the house. Set limits; be clear and concise about what the limits are and what punishment going beyond that limit will bring about. Plan for problems, they often do happen. Set up plans for contacting a parent if case of trouble or running late. These things often occur and planning how they should be handled beforehand can help keep prevent a disagreement.
Take the time to plan what you want to discuss. Make a list if you think you will forget something. Look at your teens schedule to find a time when they will not need to rush off to some after school activity. Block off enough time from your schedule to avoid interruptions or having to cut the talk short. It should not take hours of lengthy lecturing to get the dating talk out of the way, but you do not want to have to stop in the middle and run off to a meeting. Your teen needs to know that they are still important to you and that you are willing to give them your undivided attention when necessary. Respect is a mutual thing.
Remember that this discussion will not likely take a quick 10-minutes and never brought up again. Learning to date is much like learning to walk. It takes many tries to get it right and realize that the rules are just like putting one foot in front of another. If you try to sidestep with one foot and walk straight ahead with the other foot, you will not get far. Talking to your son about dating is something that has to be an ongoing basis. Not only for your peace of mind in knowing that your son will act appropriately, but also for your son to know the rules are there for a reason.
What is my personal favorite dating suggestion to give my son? Always treat your date the same way you would like to have someone treat your mother or sister, with respect!
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