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Then teen years are a magical time in all our lives; a time of learning about ourselves, deciding what kinds of friends we like, thinking about what we want to do with the rest of our lives, and beginning to think about the type of person we might want to marry. Boy/girl relationships often begin in the middle school years with boys and girls meeting at school dances or walking down the hall in school hand in hand. Stolen kisses at the bus stop and long phone conversations begin the process of what will ultimately be seen as dating.
Dating is a relatively new phenomenon, having become an accepted social custom only in the middle of the last century. Before dating, boys and girls spent most of their time separately, or under the guarded eye of parents or chaperones. Arranged marriages were commonplace and very little physical contact took place before the wedding night.
Today boys and girls begin everything much sooner. As soon as driver’s licenses are obtained, dates to movies, dinner, ball games and other activities become the norm for many teens. Most parents give in to the dating game, trying to keep track of where their kids go and whom they’re with; some take a completely hands-off approach and allow their teen to make all the decisions alone; still others do not allow dating until a certain age or at all. Many families longing for simpler times are opting for courtship and would not even consider regular dating. Whatever your beliefs in how you handle dating for your teen, following are a few things to consider.
First, how mature is your teen? Often, rather than relying on a certain age, parents would be wise to require certain examples of maturity before allowing their teen to date. For instance, consistent responsible behavior at home, in a part time job, in schoolwork, etc. Parents can observe the types of friends their teen chooses to keep: are they mature, sneaky, rebellious, kind, open, or secretive? Do the friends have reputations, and if so, what are they? Usually kids will date the same types of friends they keep.
Second, who will be driving and what are the parameters? If another teen will be driving, parents should feel free to find out his driving history by calling his parents or teachers. Don’t worry about being nosy: you’re putting your child’s life in the hands of this young driver. If uncomfortable, parents can offer to drive the couple to and from activities; your teen may complain that this cramps his style, but you are ultimately responsible and he’s too young to really grasp the consequences.
Third, where will the date take place and who else will be there? If the couple in question will be attending a party, find out where it is and whether or not the parents will be home. An empty house full of hormonal teens is too big a temptation for drinking, drugs and sex. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, call parents, or show up unannounced. Give your teen freedom, but only within the parameters of safety and wisdom.
Lastly, encourage your teen to enjoy groups of friends and not to tie himself down to just one person. Dating can be a heart wrenching experience. Some experts say that instead of dating being practice for marriage, it is in reality, practice for divorce, as rarely do dating teens end up marrying. Young romance can be all-consuming, so be available to listen to your teen when he or she needs to talk. Avoid saying “I told you so” and “he wasn’t worth it.” To kids, the dating game is very real and can be very painful.
In the end, kids grow up so quickly. It is ultimately up to parents when they’ll allow their own teen to date, but remember, one day they’ll be grown with a family and a mortgage and the days of the carefree teen years will be but a faint memory. Try to help them understand this concept and encourage them to have fun.
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