Discipline to a child should not mean punishment. It is about teaching him right from wrong. Every situation is an opportunity to help show your child the appropriate reaction. It is much harder to do if you are angry yourself so start out by counting to ten if possible to better focus on the problem. Emphasizing the positives gives a child something to look forward too and be respectful.
For younger children several positive approaches seem to work best. First is the 'do as I do' routine. Children love to imitate adults and by modeling good behavior, you are showing them how to do it. If you expect good manners from your child, show him that they are important by using them yourself. Speak in a normal, respectful tone and look them in the eye. This tends to make the child listen to what you are saying instead of how you are saying it. Tell him what you expect or want instead of what not to do. Saying 'please sit on the chair' instead of 'do not jump on the chair' is emphasizing the positive. By paying more attention to good behavior and rewarding it, really drives the point home.
Other methods that work with younger and older children involve more direct action on the parent's part. Re-direction is to move the child to another activity while telling him that he cannot do that. Staying with him until he is involved in something else reinforces your words. Removing a child from a situation where he is misbehaving lets him know that he cannot act disrespectful and get his way. Stay with him until he has calmed down and then return to the event. If they are getting frustrated with an activity, suggest a break from it to head off a meltdown.
Older children may respond well to having privileges removed. Make sure that it is a decision that the parent can live with and reinforce. No cartoons or computer games for an afternoon are better choices than a book at bedtime, which can be an important part of the evening routine. The child should understand why the privilege is being taken away as well. Tell them ahead of time what will happen if they do not behave. The most important part of this strategy is to stick to your guns. Making a threat and then not following through will lead to worse behavior because the child will believe that you do not mean it and will keep doing the action.
Some children respond well to time-outs. A certain place for them to sit and use of a timer, will help with this method. Time-outs do not work for every child so try it and if the behavior is worse after a few times, try another method.
Many parents use rewards to help with transitioning behavior. As long as it does not descend to bribery, it seems to work very well. Make a treat day for your child where they can have a candy bar or something special to them. Many tantrums can be avoided at checkout time by telling them they can have it on the special day.
Children are human beings and deserve to be respected as a person. It is up to the parents to find positive ways of helping their children grow up to be respectful and responsible adults. Spanking teaches children that they can get their way using violence, and most parents really do not want that lesson learned.
