When your baby is somewhere between eight to ten months old, you may notice that she doesn’t want you out of your sight. When she was younger, she may not have cared who held her, but now, nobody will do but you. This can make it extremely difficult if you have returned to work. Separation anxiety doesn’t just affect babies, however. Your toddler may also look at you with tear-filled eyes when you are telling her good-bye. Your pre-school or kindergarten aged child may struggle with being away from you. How can you ease your child’s separation anxiety problems?
Obviously, there isn’t a substitute for mommy or daddy, but you can’t always be with your child, especially if you work outside the home. Children thrive on familiarity and routines. When a new caregiver will be looking after your child, you need to take the time to let your child become acquainted with this person in your presence. You should plan on spending some time with the caregiver for several days before she takes over in your absence. Don’t be surprised, though, if your baby stills howls in protest as you walk away. It may take him a while to become adjusted to this new situation.
You may want to spend a few minutes talking with the caregiver at the end of the day, while your child plays nearby. If your child is at a daycare facility, you may want to play with your child at the center for a few minutes before you head for home. Once your child is old enough to reason with, you can reassure him that you will be back, and that you miss him, too.
If your child has just started pre-school or kindergarten, she may have a particularly difficult time if she has not been away from you before now. You might want to give her a picture of the two of you to keep by her cot or in her desk. If you pack her lunch, leave her a little note. If she can’t read, draw her a cute picture. Let her know you are thinking about her and missing her during the day, too.
Babies and small children may show a particular preference for one parent over the other. They may go so far as to cry when one parent leaves the room. Mothers and fathers shouldn’t take their child’s distress personally. Your child is learning to form distinct relationships with other people, and it is only natural that he has specific preferences. Keep in mind that these preferences will change as he continues to grow and mature. If you are not the parent that your child typically wants, try to spend a little more time with him. Be sure that you are participating in his daily care, such as bathing, feeding and diapering. Eventually, your child’s separation anxiety from his other parent will abate.
New situations can cause your child stress. If you have moved to a new house, school district, or church congregation, your child may have difficulty adjusting. It may be much more difficult for her to separate from you. Try to be patient with your baby or child. This will be a period of adjustment for her. You may need to spend extra time with her in the new situation. For example, if your child is attending a new Sunday school class, and he simply will not stay, it might be a good idea for you to stay with him for the first few weeks that he attends. You may be able to leave his class a little earlier each Sunday until he can attend without your presence.
Keep in mind that your child is going through many changes in his life, both emotionally and physically. He will need extra reassurance from you that he is loved and that you will be there at the end of the day. Eventually, as he grows, he will become more adjusted to time apart from you, and his separation anxiety will ease.
