Keeping the lines of communication open with your teenager can be a daunting challenge. With some exceptions of course, most teenagers have progressed from the happy-go-lucky child and pre-adolescent to the secretive, sometimes volatile teenager. Their hormones are raging, and they are trying to handle so many conflicting feelings within themselves.
Teenagers are still children at heart in many ways, and there will be times that they want to be treated as such. By the same token, they are growing and developing into adults, and while not quite there yet, expect to be treated as mature individuals. When you treat them as your children (which of course they are), they may become sullen and angry, even resentful. In the same respect, when you expect them to act like mature adults, they become frustrated because their thinking process is so different from yours. In other words, teenagers are often times stuck in the middle, and they may feel totally uncertain and confused.
While you might understand all of the conflicted feelings your teens has, talking to them about these feelings is a whole other matter. Teenagers associate talking with their parents as basically receiving lectures, even if you do your best to put them at ease. Many times they are so defensive; they don’t realize or don’t want to realize that you are trying to help them.
It is important to create open communication with your teen before a problem arises. If the only time you have a real conversation with your son or daughter is when they have done something wrong, then obviously they will associate any discussion with you as something unpleasant they would rather avoid.
How can you keep the lines of communication open with your teen? Face to face talks will usually cause teenagers to put up emotional barriers. Instead, find some type of hobby that you and your teen can share. Your son may enjoy teaching you the ins and outs of a new video game. You can take your son or daughter fishing or hiking. Maybe you enjoy riding dirt bikes or horses together. Most teenage girls love to shop, so go shopping with your daughter. You can also go to a movie together. Although you can’t talk during the movie, you can discuss the movie after it’s over. It really doesn’t matter what you do as long as you are spending time together.
When teenagers are happy and relaxed, they tend to open up more. If your teen is freely sharing something with you concerning his life, be sure you act interested in what he has to say. If he knows you are willing to listen when he wants to talk, he may be more inclined to listen to you.
It is a good idea to remind your teen that you were once a teenager yourself. This doesn’t mean you have to confess all of your past misdeeds, but you can tell him stories of broken romances and mishaps at school or with your parents. They need to understand that you weren’t always a mature, responsible adult. If you seem totally infallible, it will be hard for them to admit any mistakes or inadequacies to you.
Finally, if major or minor problems arise concerning your teenager, try to remain calm. If you approach your teen in an attack mode, they won’t feel they have any other option than to either battle back or retreat. No matter what they have done, they still need to be allowed the option to explain themselves. You can then decide on whether their explanation justifies their actions and what recourse you need to take.
If you are able to maintain a fairly open relationship with your teen through these often turbulent years, you should be able to have a better idea of what is really going on with him in his day to day life. This should encourage a better relationship between the two of you.
