Placing a loved one in a nursing home can provide a measure of reassurance to both resident and family, especially if the resident has health problems that the family is unable to monitor.
But sometimes a nursing home placement results in your loved one getting a roommate with whom he or she experiences conflict. Symptoms of ill feeling between the pair may come from your loved one's comments, nursing staff's observations, or just a feeling of tension while visiting at the facility.
If you are concerned that your family member may be having trouble with the roommate assigned to share the room, here are some tips that can you to assess and deal with the problem before it gets out of hand.
1. Observe the situation. Visit at various times of the day and evening to see how your family member and roommate get along. It may be that friction flares only at certain times, say just before dinner when both of them get hungry and irritable. Or stress may build at other times, so keep an eye open to look for patterns and indicators.
2. Rearrange the room or schedule. If your family member and the roommate argue over who gets to use the bathroom first thing in the morning, ask the nursing staff to assign each one a specific time for bathroom tasks. If the roommates argue about their belongings in the room they share, help both find a place for things so that neither will feel ousted by the other.
3. Encourage social activities. Get your loved one involved in physically and mentally stimulating activities several times a week. Activity is good for mind and body, and can help residents focus on feeling good rather than stewing over squabbles with other residents.
4. Emphasize the positive. Praise your family member's roommate or possessions to help your loved one see that person from an upbeat perspective. Subtly remind your resident relative of the blessings he or she currently enjoys to minimize possible envy or distaste for the roommate.
5. Check medication. If your loved one is experiencing a range of unsettling emotional symptoms, such as irritation, frustration, aggression, anger, or depression, ask the doctor about possible medications that can help. If the family member is already taking medicine, inquire whether the dosage needs to be adjusted. Another option to explore is whether two or more medications may be interacting with each other to cause unwanted side effects.
6. Offer support and empathy. If your family member seems confused, distraught, or sad when you leave, perhaps he or she misses you. Send cards or notes, telephone weekly, and come for visits as often as possible. Someone who feels loved by family members may be less inclined to pick an argument with a roommate.
7. If all else fails, ask the head nurse to change your loved one's room assignment. Perhaps a different roommate will stimulate less conflict. Discuss other options before taking this route, since moving to another location can be confusing or even alarming for nursing home residents with dementia or Alzheimer's disease.
Conflict is an inevitable part of life, no matter a person's age. Because nursing home adjustments can be stressful enough for new residents, try these suggestions to help your loved one adjust and avoid conflicts with a roommate or another resident.
