They don't call it the "terrible two's" for nothing. Young children seem to share a special code for flicking a switch to turn on a tantrum at a moment's notice.
If you're wondering how to handle this challenging behavior in public or at home, here are a few suggestions that may help.
1. Stay calm. Don't let the screaming or kicking get to you. Speak in a low voice or not at all. Don't rush to grab or discipline the child. A tantrum is a normal response by a child who is frustrated and feeling out of control.
2. Assess the situation. Your child may be hungry, tired, bored, or demanding his or her way. Children who throw behavior fits often do so for developmental reasons. While they are beginning to express themselves in terms other than the infantile crying that governed their first year or so of life, they still lack the verbal skills to make their wishes or fears known. Extreme physical "acting out" is a common expression of strong emotion that may be caused by any number of factors.
3. If you can identify the source, attempt to fix it. For example, if the child's toy was taken by a playful puppy, explain to your child that the animal wants to play, retrieve the toy, and pen the puppy until playtime is over. On the other hand, if your child indicates a desire for a cookie and you say "no," he or she may act out anger or frustration. Since you should remain consistent and not change your answer, ignore the disruptive behavior by leaving the room or placing the child in his or her room for a few minutes to calm down.
4. Explain your response to the child. Even though the exact meaning of your words may not be clear, your little one will likely understand when you couple them with action:
"Your yelling bothers my ears. I'm going to my room to read until you calm down."
Then do it.
Or you can say something like this:
"You're going to hurt yourself kicking your feet against the hard wooden floor. I'm taking you to your room until you stop kicking."
When young children learn that parents mean what they say and follow through consistently, they will soon learn to listen and trust your words.
5. Encourage positive behavior. When your child begins to fuss but stops after a warning of consequences, offer praise:
"You're a smart boy to stop yelling."
"Throwing your toys is not a good thing to do. Let's pick them up so you can learn to be responsible like a big boy."
6. Consider using "time out" as a consequence. A general rule of thumb is making the child sit down one minute for every year of age. For example, a one-year-old child should sit for one minute, a two-year-old for two minutes, etc.
Or you can offer a promise:
"You can get up as soon as you stop crying."
However, very young children sometimes cannot get control of themselves and require comforting or time spent playing in their rooms away from the rest of the family but under your supervision.
7. Never punish children for natural mistakes, like potty training accidents, inadvertent breakage of a household item, or forgetting a skill that is still being taught. Be patient and never withdraw love as a disciplinary measure.
Tantrums are a challenging part of a child's development and a parent's training. Take them in stride as you help your little ones learn to practice self-control and socially acceptable behavior to get along with others.
